Monday April 5...

So, having only one cup of coffee with creamer in the morning and then the second cup black is beginning to feel normal.

Coffee with creamer
1 point

Cereal, banana, strawberry slices, and almond breeze for breakfast.
4 points


Lunch was a Boca burger patty on a Sandwich thin with lettuce. Coupled with snap peas, cucumber slices, tomatoes, and a mandarin orange
3.5 points



I was a little bit nervous about dinner because we had our small group meeting tonight. It's always a pot luck style meal so it's hard to plan. The group didn't know I had started WW and I didn't want to show up with a different meal that everyone else so I just hope for the best. i was happily surprised!
Chicken tender marinated in teriyaki sauce and baked, green beans, snap peas, tomatoes, gren salad..and a small portion of some creamy rice type dish (I guessed at the poinst for this)6 points

I had some yogurt, strawberries and mandarin oranges (4.5points) when we got home but I'm still hungry and I have points left so I'm going to go get a snack. I'm thinking of some cheese puff snack thingies my sister bought...sort of like pirates booty...she said they were low in calories and fat...I'll check first.

Points used 19 (before the snack I'm going to go find now)
points target 27

Positive choice I made today. I turned down dessert at the home fellowship.

Sunday April 4 menu...

I didn't have a lot of success in counting my points yesterday. I spent the day with my family and I havent told anyone that I'm doing Weight Watchers again. Well, Vern knows and my sister , Tammy, knows...but not the rest of my extended family. I just don't want to have "that" discussion....everyone has an opinion and an answer....just not ready to go there...LOL.

So anyway, I feel like I did well yesterday. I had a big, healthy breakfast to stave off hunger and cravings and to help me maintain control.

This was a wonderful meal for 6 points! An eggwhite (egg substitute), vegetabe omelt with low fat cheese and mixed fruit.



While we were waiting for the Easter meal at my parents' house I had a couple of crackers with some "cheese ball" mix on them and I had a tiny bit of cheese bread. I ALMOST bought a vegetable tray at the store on the way there...next time I will. Every snack was high calorie, high fat...so anyhow....I used my will power and had a taste of them but really did limit myself to a few bites.

Here's what I ate for lunch. I had to guess at the portions but I figure I had 3-4 ounces of ham, 1/2 cup of potato salad, a half cup of baked beans, and a serving of salad. Unfortunately the salad already had dresssing mixed in. It was good but really not worth the 12 points...



The rest of the day I felt "munchy" and unsatisdfied...I snacked on fruit & yogurt, and a bagel thin.

I don't really know about my points total but I am just going to assume I had my weekly 35 extra points and leave it at that.

We had a very scary earthquake here yesterday. It shook and rumbled for a long time...and made a very scary noise...like a big engine rumbling...scary stuff!

He is Risen....

Warning....parts of this video are disturbing. But it's such a powerful video.

All glory and power and honor and worship be unto Jesus the Risen Savior

Saturday April 3, 2010...

I'm tempted to say "Day Two of being back on plan."...but if it's a lifestyle change and not a passing diet plan then it's really a moot point to count the days I stay "on plan"...now isn't it? I really want this to be a lifestyle change and not yet another passing diet plan.

Once again a managed to lolligag around long enough this morning that I ended up running out of the house without eating breakfast. I did have ONE cup of coffee with creamer and stevia, and another with just stevia.

This morning as I was running errands I was listening to this song by Mary Mary. I love this song. I love the upbeat tone and the funky sound. This morning though, it really, really ministered to my heart. I was in the car, sitting at a stoplight and singing along. (yes, I sing along in the car when I'm all alone and I can belt it out as though I can really sing...LOL) Anyway I was singing along and as I sang the words, "You broke the chains now I can lift my hands"....something happened on the inside of me and this song became the cry of my heart. God has set me free from so much and has brought me so very far.....but I feel shackled by this....addiction to/affection for...food. I need Him to take these shackles off my feet.....so I can dance...so I can be free from the shame and the guilt and the burden of this once and for all.

By the time I arrived at Costco I had to sit in the car for a few minutes and compose myself. I must have looked a sight, driving down the road singing with huge tears rolling down my face!



After I got done with my errands, I came home and put everything away and broke down all the boxes...that's the one thing about shopping at Costco...there are always all those boxes left. I wonder if I can claim activity points for shopping and putting groceries away...and hauling them all in from the car!

I had more errands to do but I was really hungry from not eating breakfast, so I stopped and made myself lunch.
I made chili dogs using a bagel thin for buns. I nuked a Hebrew National 97% fat free hot dog and broke it in half. I put half on each half of the bagel thin. I had some Hormel 99% Fat Free Vegetarian Chili in the fridge so I heated up a half a cup and spooned it over the hot dog halves. I paired these with a serving of baked Lays potato chips and some freash strawberries dipped in Fage nonfat yogurt. This was a fun, fast and easy lunch for 7 points.



After lunch I headed back out to take care of some more weekend errands. It was around 4:30 or so and I was in the grocery store and found myself really hungry. I knew I was gonna be in trouble if I allowed myself to become famished so I bought a big, juicy apple and a bottle of water along with the rest of my groceries. I used a little of the water and a paper towel to wash the apple and I ate it in the car on my way home. I am pretty pleased with myself for this one!



While I was putting away the things I got at the store I started a big pot of vegetable soup. I simply dumped a bunch of vegetables like caulilower, broccoli, spinach, green beans, tomatoes, cabbage, and yellow and red peppers into a pot, added a couple of cans of Fat Free chicken broth and let is simmer for 20 minutes or so. When I was ready to eat I added a cup of the soup to a bowl with 3 ounces of cooked chicken and a half cup of black beans. i toasted a "Sandwich Thin" and spread some Smart Balance Heart Right Light Buttery Spread...this stuff is realy good for 45 calories per tablespoon!





I finished dinner off with a bowl of Raspberry Cheesecake yogurt and mandarin orange segments.


Dinner and desert totaled 11 points

My last snack was a sweet and salty bar that I found in the cupboard. I didn't take this photo, I snagged it off of the internet because i forgot to take a photo of it.
3 points


Total Points used 24
Daily allowence 27

Four Months and Thirteen Days Later....

Yes, that's how long it's been since my last blog post! And a lot has happened in that time...

I've lost a couple of people who were very dear to me. I've gained a precious daughter in law and she and my son have bought the condo directly across the street from ours. My sweet granddaughter celebrated her fifth birthday. Vern broke his foot and has long since healed. We bought the business I have worked at for the past fourteen years...

and somewhere in all of that, I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped walking and eating healthy foods and using self control....so it' no surprise whatsoever that I find myself at my highest weight ever. It's no surprise that I am having terrible back pain episodes to which the doctor says things like, "Well, at your age and at your weight..." So I have done something I never imagined I would do....

I joined Weight Watchers...I mean REALLY joined...as in go to meetings once a week and face the weekly weigh in type of joined! As much as I would like to not have to "diet", I have to face the fact that there has got to be a lifestyle change and it has to start somewhere. It started when I was sitting on the examination table in urgent care waiting for the doctor to come and prescribe something magical for the horrible back pain I was suffering. I looked up and a poster on the wall caught my eye. It said something about asking your practioner about weight management assistance through your helath plan. So I did. And she gave me a flyer with the health plan's website information on it. So I came home and looked it up and found that my HMO recommends two different "moderate diet plans." One was "The Zone" and the other was Weight Watchers...so here I am.

My first meeting was Thursday night after work. I was so nervous. I am not a person who is comfortable with meetings and weigh ins and all of that. But I know that I am in need of that level of accountability even if it's uncomfortable for me. So I went and I faced the scale...226 pounds.

Today was my first day fully on the plan.

Here's how it went..

Breakfast:
As much as I know this isn't a good idea,
I let time gat away from me and I ended up
not eating until lunch time.
I did have a cup of coffee
with 2 tbs of Coffeemate liquid creamer.
1 point


Lunch:
A frozen entree and some green beans.
The apple in the photo was yucky
so I tossed it after a couple of bites.
7 points




Snack:
A snack bar that they gave me at the meeting
(which I forgot to snap a photo of)
and a diet cherry limeade from Sonic.
3 points


Dinner:
30z Chicken breast meat
green beans and tomatoes mixed
medium baked potato
6.5 points


Snack:
Large bowl of
1 cup puffed corn
1 cup puffed wheat
1/2 cup Fiber One
1 cup strawberries sliced
1 cup Almond Breeze
4 points

Total points 22
Points Target 27

Every Day I am going to try and post one positive change I have made. It's all about small, positive changes, right?

So today I began to have my second cup of coffee without creamer. I allowed myself the one cup that I sooo look forward to each morning...with the creamer and the sweetener (Stevia) but I decided that one cup like that is enough on a daily basis. I'm not saying that there won't be days when I allow myself another with cream...but for everyday use...One cup with creamer. I'm patting myself on the back about this one!

So...I've been walking...

As I mentioned, I'm baby-stepping my way back to healthy habits. I also mentioned that I've been in a funk. This week I decided that one step I could take toward a healthier lifestyle and feeling better would be to begin walking again. So I've been walking to work in the mornings. Nothing drastic or demanding....simply walking a mile to work.




This morning I was walking. I was simply walking along in the crisp, cool, morning air, my face turned upward toward the sun, feeling the warmth, both on the skin of my face and in the depth my heart, when all of the sudden I realized it felt good.....I felt good. And then I remembered why I began walking in the first place, several years ago. I remembered another time when I turned my face to the sun and warmed my skin and my soul...and I remembered the hope it gave me then...

Yes, I remembered and I felt joy..

I've been in a funk...

I'm not sure why, but I have been in a funk...spiraling out of control...my healthy lifestyle falling by the wayside...and allowing myslef to binge and be lazy. Of course with the binging comes the self loathing which turns into self pity...

Self, self, self....I am seeing a pattern here.....self.

So this morning I prayed this over my SELF...

Psalm 19:13
Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt
and innocent of great sin.

This might seem unrelated to all this talk of self. But really it isn't. You see, I am realizing that I have been trying to overcome these behaviors in my SELF...in my own strength, by my own power and in my own "wisdom"...it isn't working.

What I need is for God to "keep me from deliberate sins!" I need to rely on His power to strengthen me when I want to walk into the kitchen and eat everything I know I shouldn't eat!

I am done relying on my own power. I can't deliver myself from this trap. I need the power of God to intervene for me. I don't really know what that is going to look like. I am going to do my best to make healthy choices and begin to babystep my way back to a healthy lifestyle....and I am going to continue to cry out to God my Savior to deliver me from my own self destructive behavior. Then I will be free of the guilt and self loathing that takes my eyes off of my God and focuses them on me.