Taking a short break

I read this blog yesterday and literally cried as I read. This is how I've been feeling. I need a break. I'm not giving up. I just need a break from sharing the intensely personal struggle. I will be at my WW meeting on Friday morning fresh faced and front row. I don't know, maybe it's the lack of endorphins I normally get from running... But I could seriously sit down and cry for absolutely no reason. I'm tired and I'm frustrated with myself. Fortunately, unlike the writer of this blog that I'm sharing, I have gotten nothing but support and kindness from my blog/journal. But I still just need to take a short break and get my head turned back around, without feeling like I'm doing it in a fishbowl.

Sunday June 2, 2013

This was a lazy, relaxing day, but, I did start the day with a 4.75 mile walk. I miss running but it was kind of nice to just walk and enjoy the sights and sounds. It was a beautiful Southern California day! 

When I got home from my walk I munched on fruit while I did some light housework. I didn't have a meal that I can really refer to as "breakfast." I just grabbed a banana, and then, in a little while, a couple of apricots, and then some cherries. 

Lunch was a Mahi-Mahi burger on Roman Meal Bread with snap peas on the side. I got the burgers in the frozen fish freezer at Costco. 3 points each and really quite tasty. 

I snacked on some caramel corn. I think (hope) Vern ate the rest of it last night! 

Dinner was spaghetti squash with olive oil, laughing cow cheese and sun dried tomatoes. It was REALLY good!

After dinner I had a sorbet made with frozen banana and cherries with a splash of almond milk. YUM!!

That's it....just a lazy Sunday. 

Smart People Don't Blow All Their Weeklies In The Car On The Way Home!

Saturday June 1, 2013

We went to Disneyland on Saturday. I packed a cooler with fruits. I made great choices while we were in the parks!

I had an eggwhite wrap from the Starbucks in Disney's California Adventure for breakfast for 7 PointsPlus. Coffee with a splash of half and half for 1 Point. And a banana at 0 points. 

Lunch was an Angus Roast Beef salad from the Jolly Holiday Bakery in Disneyland. It comes with a breadstick and dressing choice on the side. I counted the salad at 4 PointsPlus and the Breadstick at 4. 1 point for the fat free Italian dressing for a 9 PointsPlus lunch. 

During the day I had an orange and two apricots, and a "Julie's Giant Oatmeal" cookie. I drank water. We walked over 18,000 steps. So far so good! 

The time got away from us in the evening and before we knew it, it was 8:00 and we were getting in the car to go home. I was hungry. I hadn't packed anything with protein in it in my cooler ... Next time there will be a sandwich in there, whether I eat it or not, I will have it just in case. So anyway, I started munching on caramel corn that we bought on the way out. I ate about 4 cups...I couldn't find a good estimate of the calories/points...so I just gave it 20 to be safe. And then...there we were in the In-n-Out drive through. Now, I know how to navigate this...I really do. But it was late, I was lazy. I had a Double Double AND Fries!! What am I? Crazy?!?! Who eats 49 Points in the car on the way home? This girl. 

I used all of my weekly bonus points for the week. I have 10 activity points left. I just started a new active link challenge to earn 4-7 points per day. So, now the key is to finish out the week without derailing myself. I had the weekly points to spend. It was definitely not the smartest way to use my points but it's not forbidden...so in reality I am still "on plan."

I can have a successful week. I don't have to let this derail me. Cheeseburgers happen. 

Let's do this!

  

Friday May 31, 2013

Posting from the car on Saturday morning as we're zooming up the 5 to spend the day at Disneyland. :)

 Had a great, on plan day. I'm feeling positive about getting back on plan and looking forward to getting a string of good weeks under my belt. 

I have my cooler full of fruit and I'm going to Disneyland....Life is good!

Let's do this.!!

Back in the Saddle Again

Wednesday May 29, 2013

One thing I have always struggled with is getting right back on plan after a slip up. It's do easy to just throw away the whole week with wrong thinking. Thoughts like "I'll start fresh after my meeting" run through my head. So, I'm really happy that I was able to jump right back on plan and put the bad day behind me. 

Now to get back into the swing of exercising in the morning! 

As the day of the Rock & Roll Half Marathon draws closer, I find myself feeling sad that I'm going to be sitting this one out. But the reality is that my toe is just not ready for 13.1 miles. 

I've decided that since I'm no longer training for a half marathon, this is a good opportunity for me to start to train myself to actually run an entire 5K. Up to now I have "only" done intervals.  I'm ready to tackle running longer distances, starting with a 5K. So my plan is to ease back into running, as my toe continues to heal, by doing a Couch to 5K plan. 

That's it...that's all I've got today. Let's do this!!

I need a strategy..

Strategy: a plan, method, or series of maneuvers or stratagems for obtaining a specific goal or result: a strategy for getting ahead in the world.

First of all let's just get it out there ....because every fiber of my being wants to keep this a secret...to not put it in my tracker and not tell anyone what I did. .... I blew my streak last night. I came home late after a long day and I started eating and didn't stop until I had mindlessly consumed an extra 36 PointsPlus. Yes, I have the weekly points allowance to cover what I ate, so technically I am still "on plan." But that's not really the point this morning. The point is the BEHAVIOR. This behavior of losing my mind, throwing caution to the wind, and just eating until I feel sick is not healthy. It needs to change. I need a strategy. 

I wish I could let some of you inside my head, in the car on the drive home. There is such a battle going on in there as I drive the twenty minute route home from my meeting on Tuesday nights. I drive along fighting the urge to stop and get certain foods. Usually it starts with wanting to drive to Mary's Donuts and get an apple fritter the size of a dinner plate. I convince myself not to stop at Mary's and my thoughts shift to stopping at Sprouts for a bag of macadamia nuts, then to In-N-Out for a burger, to Carl's Jr for a turkey burger (that's healthier you know), Taco Bell for a $5.00 box of enough food to feed a small family....and on it goes. 

When I finally arrive home I start out with a healthy choice....after all, I have 5 PointsPlus left in my daily allowance. And then I just don't stop...sigh. 

So, this morning I am sitting here, feeling half sick toy stomach, ashamed that once again I gave in to the urge to binge eat...and realizing that this is a battle and I need a strategy, a battle plan to fight these ridiculous urges. 

So here goes....I am going to write this plan down on a card and review it when I get in the car to go home on Tuesday nights....

1. Pray. Obviously I need help! 

2. Take control of my thought life. 

I know this passage is a little out of context, but the last part of it tells me that I am not helpless in controlling my thoughts. I have the ability to take my thoughts captive. 

(2 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.)

3. No eating when I get home. I can not take that first bite!! Like an alcoholic who takes that first drink, I don't seem to be able to stop once I start. A cup of tea, a large glass of fruit infused water over ice...but no food. This habit needs to be confronted and BROKEN!!!

4. Go to bed!! Being tired affects my ability to make sound choices...so go to bed!

That's it. It's simple but I have to start somewhere. 

Day Four of Recommit....Done

Monday May 27, 2013

This was a good day. I got up in the morning and went for a walk.  I still can't run. Walking is uncomfortable but running is downright painful! As I walked I realized that it's not just the running and the endorphins that are released that make me love it. A lot of it is just simply being alone, the rhythmic movement, the air and sun on my face, ....the "me" time. So anyway I walked a little over 5 miles. 

When I got back from walking I had a breakfast of chia pudding, strawberries, and banana. And coffee....always coffee wit two measured tablespoons of half and half. 

In the afternoon Vern and I rode the trolley downtown and walked to Seaport Village. We walked along the waterfront, watching families picnicking, kids flying kites, and street vendors peddling paper flowers, palm reading, rock stacking, and storytelling. 

In being completely honest, I have to admit that when it came time to choose a place to get food I was sorely tempted to go for the deep dish Chicago pizza place that is one of our favorites. The old line of "it's just one day" and "it's a holiday" and "I can always get back on track tomorrow" we're running through my head as we walked. 

But in the end we settled for the Greek place and I had a roasted Greek chicken plate. It was a half of a Greek chicken on a bed of romaine lettuce, served with pita bread. It was lunch and dinner combined and I calculated the points...and ate every bite. I figured the meal at 28 PointsPlus. Much better than the pizza that is probably 20 PointsPlus per slice and I would have eaten 3 slices. I'm calling it a success. 

Over the course of the rest of the afternoon and evening I had a banana, an orange, and some cherries. 

My FitBit tells me I walked almost 9 miles and my ActiveLink says I earned 9 activity points. My toe says maybe I overdid it a little :)

Day 4...on plan...Done!!