Random Stuff from the Weekend....(and my weigh in)...

I've said from the beginning that I am NOT on a diet. I am using the Weight Watcher's Point System to help me to learn to eat real food, in the real world, in a healthy manner. So, I decided to make this past weekend a pointless weekend. The reality of my world is that I am going to go and eat our favorite Chicago Style Pizza with my hubby....

When Vern got home from working Saturday morning and I was home from PeWee soccer, we went to our favorite pizza joint for lunch...




I am ashamed to admit that not so very long ago, when I was "dieting," I would easily consume 3 or 4 slices of this pizza. There was a "deprivation mindset" that I had. I was "going off of my diet" so I'd better REALLY make the most of it and eat all of the pizza I could stuff in my face. Let me tell you....3-4 pieces from THIS pizza is A LOT of food! Now when we go, I can eat 2 slices and be satisfied...and I can "feel" myself getting to the place where one is going to be enough for me.


After lunch we went for a walk along the waterfront, through Embaradero Park. I love living in San Diego!






Although it was a pointless weekend I ate my healthy meals for the most part. My goal is to one day just be able to live and eat like a normal person without having to count points and measure portions. So, I wanted to allow myself to go to the pizza joint for lunch and then resume my healthy eating habits even though I wasn't counting points. Here are a couple of random meals that I had during the weekend.

Breakfast Saturday morning was cold cereal...puffed kamut, Fiber One, a sliced banana, a few blueberries, and Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla "milk"



Lunch after church yesterday was "Naked Nuggets" and baked "fries." I loved these chicken nuggets that I found at Costco. Thy are similar to the chicken nuggets at fast food places but there's no breading on them. 7 nuggets have 140 calories, 3 gms fat, 1 gm of fiber for 3 points...not that I was counting, mind you!



Of course I ate other meals and snacks throughout the weekend but I didn't keep track or take photos. For someone who has spent a lifetime on a "diet" it was really scary for me to face the scale this morning. I almost talked myself out of it but then I realized that in the "real world" you are accountable for the choices you make...and there would be no way for me to know if I can do pointless weekends successfully if I don't face the scale each week. So I mentally prepared myslef for whatever the scale was going to have to say to me this morning. It almost amuses me...the fact that I am frightened of the scale. Anyway, I steeled myself for whatever it was going to say and imagine my delight and surprise when it said this.....

A loss of 2.4 pounds this week! Nice!!



You might notice that I cropped this photo more than usual. That's the thing about having a glass scale....there was a reflection...a reflection of things that don't belong on a family friendly blog! Whew!! I am glad I noticed THAT before I just stuck it on here!!!

Monday...weighing in....

My weight stayed the same this week. I would be lying if I said I am not a bit disappointed but overall I'm ok with it. I have stayed on plan. I am making lifestyle changes and I know that the scale is not going to reward me each and every week...especially at my age.

I didn't walk as much this past week as I should so I need to be more diligent about managing my time to allow those walks. Beyond that I will continue to do what I'm doing and reminding myself that the ultimate reward for making right choices is not a number on a scale.

Today I am going to go spend the day with my sister, Debbie, who is in town from Florida. We don't get to see each other nearly enough and I am looking forward to the day with her very much!

Monday Morning Weigh-In and Menus...sort of...

This is going to be short as I am right now supposed to be getting ready for work. Vern and I got a new book, a gift from our church to everyone who came for the Easter service. We have decided to use it as a morning devotional...which is GREAT!!!...but which also ran a bit long this morning as we were reading the introduction...and the intro is longer than any of the chapters! Anyway...it's "Fifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die," by John Piper. I am happy to be reading this book with Vern!

So...this is my weigh-in day and here we go! I am down 1.6 pounds this week. I am satisfied with that. I feel like for a 50 (almost51) year old woman who is post menopausal, (surgically) not on hormone replacement....a pound or two a week is completely acceptable! Yes, I am very happy with any downward movement at all on the scale!



One of our Easter Sunday traditions is to have breakfast at church. Our church hosts a free breakfast for anyone who desires to come and partake on Easter Sunday. It's served buffet style and thousands of invitations are sent out to the community. I think it's a really neat tradition. So here's my breakfast. I'm figuring it at 7.5 points.



After church we went to take Vern's mom to do some errands. It was a fairly long afternoon and I was really, really hungry by the time we were done. Vern wanted to go to Chili's and I agreed. I had a difficult time deciding what to order. I couldn't make up my mind between the Guiltless Chicken meal, or the Guiltless Cedar Plan Tilapia. I ended up getting the tilapia and frankly, I was disappointed. It was a very tiny piece of fish and some almost steamed veggies. I honestly was shocked at how tiny the fish was! The broccoli was supposed to be steamed but it was really still raw. I understand the whole concept of not overcooking the broccoli...but I do like it COOKED...not raw! So, I ate my very tiny meal and left the restaurant still hungry. I was bummed to have spent over ten dollars for a meal that was more of a snack! When we got home I looked at the online menu and found that it is only 199 calories for the meal and realized that a side order of black beans would have rounded it out nicely...oh well...live and learn. I won't be ordering that again! It looked pretty on the plate though...
I figured the tilapia meal at 4 points, according to the nutrional counts I found on the website. I also figured 3 points for the 3 bites I had of Vern's Nachos...which was much more satisfying than my pitiful little bite of fish!




When we finally got home I had a bowl of fruit. It was an apple and an orange, chopped, mixed with greek yogurt, and topped with Fiber One cereal. It was so good!
3 points



Now, from the absence of any more photos you might be led to believe that I stopeed eating at that point...you would be WRONG!!! I continued to snack but no photos. I had 2 Western, alternative bagels at 1 point each. One I toasted and had with fat free cream cheese and the other toasted with Smart Balance light buttery spread and PB2. 6.5 points.

After the bagels I was finally done eating.

My day was 24 points, 1 point over my target.
I used 18.5 of my weekly points allowance during this past week. I didn't use the holiday as an excuse to partake in a bunch of crap food. I lost 1.6 pounds. I am calling this last week a success!

Catching up...

I have photos, from the weekend, of my meals. I counted my points. I stayed on plan. But, I am feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to catch up with three days worth of menu postings! So, I am just going to add my weigh-in photos and a couple of random food porn photos, as my dear friend Grace calls them, and then move on...getting back to my regular postings tomorrow.

So...my weigh in day is Monday but for reasons I don't really know yet, I like to do a sneak peek on Saturday. Here's what the scale said on Saturday morning...



After my weekend, which included several salty foods, the scale said this on Monday...




I would love to be able to rationalize and officially claim that half a pound or so from the Saturday weigh in. But Monday is my official weigh in day and the Monday weight is what will be recorded in my weight tracker. All in all, the scale is continuing a downward trend and I am content with that.

OK...so of course there has got to be at least one food photo in my post, right? So, we went to breakfast at Coco's on Saturday morning with the princess. I love being able to go on-line and find the nutritional values before getting to the restaurant! I love the internet!!! So anyway, here's what I had for 8 points...




Here's what my knight in somewhat rusty armor had....



So who thinks it's completely unfair that I am the fat one??!!!

Monday, Monday....

So here it is, Monday morning once again and along with being Monday it is also confession time for me. It's completely amazing to me that I can be so on top of the world on Saturday, thrilled with my success in my efforts to eat healthy and conquer my struggles with gluttony and binge eating, and here with my head hanging low on Monday morning to report that I, once again, gave in to the desire to binge. But, it is the reality of my struggle. I had myself a binge session last night.

If I was only living to please my Weight Watchers points tracker I would say the good news is that I am, amazingly, still within my weekly allowance of extra points. So technically, I haven't blown my plan. But..I don't live to please my points tracker. My desire is to live to please God. My desire is to learn to turn to Him for comfort and fulfillment and not stuff my mouth with food when it's really His comfort I am needing. Last night I didn't do that. Last night, when it would have been just as easy for me to come upstairs and open my bible and put on some worship music and have a quiet time....I chose to go into the kitchen and eat one thing and then another in an effort to fill whatever that "something" is....that craving that feels like hunger when it can't possibly be hunger.

This morning I awoke very early. I really couldn't say if I was awakened by the Spirit of God gently whispering to me in my heart and my mind, or by my upset stomach which was rolling and gurgling and rebelling against the junk I assulted it with last night...because both things were happening. But, as I lay there and realized that I had once again turned to my idol for comfort I began to see some of the triggers that led to this particular binge. Not that I think that the triggers are an excuse, but maybe if I realize what triggers these times, I can be better prepared to fight these urges, and run to God, the next time these feelings happen.

I don't know that it's necessary for me to list all the things that took place over the weekend to leave me vulnerable on Sunday evening. There were several little things that happened that just sort of stung when they took place. Several little opportunities to get my feelings a little bit hurt, or to stir feelings of anxiety in my heart. As I look back over the past few days I can pinpoint several times like that, when I found myself just stuffing those feelings back down and telling myself, "I'm over it." ...rather than taking those feelings to God, right then and right there and confessing the hurt and anxiety and turning it over to Him. I also had Autumn for the weekend. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE keeping her for the weekend. She is such a treasure and a precious little girl! But, she is four years old and requires a lot of intense attention and energy. And then, there is Autumn's Daddy, my oldest son. I had him over for a late lunch/early dinner on Sunday afternoon when he came to pick up Autumn. He is struggling to keep his head above water in the storm of emotions that are the result of his divorce. He's doing ok on the surface, just as Autumn is doing ok on the surface. But as a mother and a grandmother, I see the little things, the subtle changes, the lines around my son's eyes, the clinging to anything familiar that Autumn is doing...the little things that say, "my heart is struggling to make sense of all of this and to cope"...I see them all. And, while I am really, really trying to be in faith and cling to the knowledge that God has all of this under control and He will bring beauty for ashes from this whole situation...I worry. I try not to, but I worry.

So...anyway, when Chris left to take Autumn home....I turned to food. I didn't fully realize that is what I was doing at the time, I just thought I was hungry for a little something. But I had a little something and it didn't satisfy me. THAT'S when I should have known that food wasn't what I was hungry for. That's when I wish I would have realized that I was hungry for God's comfort.

So now, in the morning light of Monday, I can see so clearly the chain of events that led up to last night's behavior and I am grateful. I am grateful to God for waking me early and ministering to my heart. I am grateful that His tender mercy is new each and every morning. I am grateful for His word that transforms my mind. I am grateful for His Spirit that lives in me and enables me to do all things.

I am grateful for His promise that He will heal me of my backsliding...

Ezekiel 37:23
They will no longer defile themselves with their idols and vile images or with any of their offenses, for I will save them from all their sinful backsliding, and I will cleanse them. They will be my people and I will be their God.

So...here is my menu from Sunday, February 22, 2009

Morning
1 cup(s) cooked oatmeal 2
1 cup(s) unsweetened frozen blueberries 1
1/2 cup(s) fat-free cottage cheese 1.5
Subtotal 4.5
Midday
1 serving(s) Cheese Slice fat free 1
4 oz cooked extra lean ground beef 4.5
1 1/2 cup(s) cooked green beans 0.5
1 cup(s) canned stewed tomatoes 1
1/8 cup(s) canned tomato paste 0.5
Subtotal 7.5
Evening
3 tbsp chunky peanut butter, with salt 7
1 cup(s) whole milk 4
1 serving(s) Bread 45 calories per slice 2 slices 1
2 tbsp 37% Light Spread Margarine 2.5
Subtotal 14.5
Anytime
1 serving(s) Yoplait Light Yogurt 2
1 serving(s) Popcorn Plain 5 cups 2
2 large serving(s) Chocolate chip cookie dough 14.5
1 tbsp olive oil 3.5
3 Smoothie Popsicles 4.5
Subtotal 26.5
Food POINTS values total used 53
Food POINTS values remaining 0

Amazingly, I still have 6 weekly, extra points left. That makes me laugh!

Friday's menu and Saturday's Weigh-in...

So...here's my menu for Friday...

Friday, February 20, 2009

Morning
2 tbsp Sugar free French vanilla liquid 1
1 cup(s) cooked oatmeal 2
1 medium apple(s) 1
Subtotal 4

Midday
3 oz cooked chicken fillet 2.5
1 medium banana(s) 1.5
1 serving(s) Cheese Slice fat free 1
1/2 cup(s) Red Beans 1
2 tbsp salsa 0
1 cup(s) mixed greens 0
Subtotal 6

Evening
1 cup(s) cooked brussels sprouts 0
1 cup(s) cooked cauliflower 0
2/3 cup(s) Red Beans 1.5
4 oz cooked chicken fillet 3.5
1 tbsp 37% Light Spread Margarine 1
2 tbsp fat-free sour cream 0.5
Subtotal 6.5

Anytime
3/4 serving(s) Popcorn Plain 5 cups 1.5
1 serving(s) Yoplait Light Yogurt 2
Subtotal 3.5

Food POINTS values total used 20
Food POINTS values remaining 4

Saturday morning is my morning for weighing in. I do this at my Mom's house because I dont (won't) own a scale. I don't like what it does to my head and I'm not completely sure that I'll keep weighing in weekly once I'm sure I'm on the right track. So anyway, as I was on my way to my Mom's house this morning I was trying to talk myself out of being disappointed if I didn't like what the scale had to say. I was thinking that maybe last week's loss was a fluke or that one of the little rubber feet thingies on the bottom of the scale may have fallen off and showed a loss for last week that didn't really happen. Actually, truth be told, I woke up in the middle of the night a couple of times during the week CONVINCED that this was what happened. Those little rubber feet thingies come off and then it can't possibly give an accurate weight. So, I was trying to prepare myself to deal with it if last week has been a mistake or a fluke or whatever. Is it becoming clear why I don't have a scale in my house?...LOL. I arrived at my Mom's house and went into the room with the scale. I flip the thing over and check the little feet thingies...all intact...whew! I tap it and watch while all the numbers zero out and take a breath and step on the scale...AND I AM DOWN 3 POUNDS FROM LAST WEEK!! I have now lost 13.5 pounds since January. I am shocked and relieved and happy!

I really haven't felt deprived. I haven't spent hours obsessing over my food. I've simply eaten within the points target suggested for me. How simple is that!?

And of course, I have prayed. I have prayed that God would teach me to be satisfied in Him and not go looking to stuff my face with food to quench some unquenchable longing inside me. And what Father, when his child asks for a fish, would give her a serpent or a scorpion? God is faithful and He will teach me that He is all I need. I have a long way to go but today I am encouraged.