The Sisterhood

Here I am starting yet another post with the words, I've been thinking..."

But, the truth is, I HAVE been thinking. I find myself thinking often about the Kimkins diet scam and the reasons I fell for it. AmyB had a really good blog post this morning, titled What If. It's a good post, easy read and worth the minute or so that it takes to read it. In it Amy brings up the subject of what if Heidi had used her own photo on the Woman's World magazine cover? What if Heidi Diaz had promoted her diet scam using photos of her morbidly obese self? Would I have joined her scam diet site if she had presented herself for who she really was and most likely still is?

There is a Kimkins member who has recently begun posting at LCF on the "Fascination with Kimmer" threads. She apparently feels that she got exactly what she paid for, a diet plan and message board support. She has brought up the fact that the medical community can't even seem to agree on what constitutes a healthy diet. While I agree with her right to feel that way for herself, I completely and adamantly disagree with her reasoning on the subject.

You see, here's the thing...or here's the way I see it actually. The fact that the medical community can't agree on what constitutes a healthy weight loss plan was part of the reason I fell for the Kimkins diet scam. The medical community is slowly, haltingly catching on to the idea of a low carb lifestyle being a good plan for weight control and for overall good health. But, for many years we were told some really negative things about the Atkins Diet. There are still doctors who are opposed to the Atkins Diet plan. So, when I saw a woman who had supposedly lost 118 pounds in less than a year and kept it off for 6 years it piqued my interest. I already knew that I couldn't totally trust the "experts" who would tell me that the answer to my weight problem was carbs, carbs, and more carbs..while eliminating evil fats from my diet. But here was a woman who had fought this battle of the bulge and supposedly won and was continuing to walk in victory and health.

I suppose I was naive, in fact I'm sure I was. But, the fact that Heidi Diaz was a woman...a woman who battled a weight problem gave her a certain credibility with me. I would have been more suspisious of a man touting a weight control program, or a big corporation, or a weight loss clinic. But this was a woman, a woman like me, a member of a message board support group, a woman who had finally won the battle that so many of us fight. Call me niave, maybe it's stupid, but I believe in the sisterhood that exists between women. I still believe in it. I have found it to be true with some amazing women that I have met on different forums. Heidi Diaz violated that sisterhood. Being a morbidly overweight woman herself, she has an inside track to the thought processes that many of us have.....and she used that to lie, scam and take advantage of so many of her fellow women. I know there were a few men on the site but by and large, it is women who have fallen for her lies. And I believe that for many of us it was the "sisterhood" between women that gave her a certain amount of credibility.

So, in answer to AmyB's query, "What If," the answer is no. I would not have tried the Kimkins diet if I had known that Heidi Diaz was a morbidly obese woman who had ruined her own health and metabolism with her crazy dieting methods over the years.

I got this in a email from one of my "sisters" on another forum. I think it's appropriate to include it here. This the sisterhood that Heidi Diaz violated. And for the record, I still believe in this sisterhood. Heidi Diaz can't destroy my belief in my fellow women....

Sisters
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,
drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As
they talked about life, about marriage, about the
responsibilities of life and the obligations of
adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her
glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance
upon her daughter.
'Don't forget your Sisters,' she advised, swirling
the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll
be more important as you get older. No matter how
much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'
'Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...
your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other
women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'
What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman
thought. Haven't I just gotten married?
Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a
married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact
with her Sisters and made more women friends each
year. As the years tumbled by, one after another,
she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and naturework their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 50 years of living in this world,
here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how
many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,
praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on
your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the
valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk
beside you...Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,
daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers,
Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called life , we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.

Why?

That's the question that has circled my brain for the past few months. Why? Not so much wondering why Heidi Diaz did what she did. But why did I fall for her scam?





It was late one night in May 2007. I was home alone and once again was feeling low and berating myself for yet another binge. I was cruising the internet and I followed a link from somewhere. I don't even remember where now but I do remember that it something that involved Jimmy Moore. I stumbled across these photos

Looking back, I can't believe I believed those photos! Now in my defense, I knew it was probably airbrushed and photoshopped to look that good, just like the photos in a magazine. I'd seen those ads by "Dove" that show the attractive but average looking woman transformed into a beauty queen by airbrushing and photoshopping. I knew that the photo would have had to be altered to make Heidi Diaz look that good, but I did believe it was her. How absurd!

The crazy thing about all of that is that I had seen Heidi Diaz's posts on "Low Carb Friends." I had seen her posts, read about the Kimkins diet and always knew it was too extreme. I had always just dismissed it as being too severe, something I would never be able to do. But that night, with those images looking back at me from my computer screen, something happened in my brain. Looking at those photos, I felt hope. (Wow, typing those words, even now, makes me cry. ) So anyway, I clicked on the link to Kimkins and began to read the success stories. I spent a long time that night reading success stories. I didn't join that night. I thought about it that night and joined the next day.

Looking back...I've been looking back alot lately......I didn't tell my family and friends the truth about what I was doing. I told them I was eating "lean meats and low glycemic vegetables." Even in my own mind I said that....but somewhere deep inside I knew I was lying to myself. The weight started to come off rapidly, just as promised. The forums at Kimkins were friendly and upbeat. I didn't know at the time that the forums were being carefully moderated to keep the appearance that way. For the first time in my life I was in control of my eating. I was losing weight like never before, I wasn't hungry. I discovered the "eggwhite challenge." I started having eggwhites for breakfast and lunch. I continued to lie about what I was eating. I made sure that no one knew I was eating eggwhites for two meals a day. My friends and family only saw me eating "lean meats and low glycemic vegetables."

I logged every bite I ate into "Fitday." I kept my calories at around 600 a day and felt guilty about not being able to get them down lower than that. I was dizzy and my thinking was foggy. I couldn't sleep at night and my muscles ached terribly even though I was taking a plethora of supplements. I remember one day I was delivering meals for "Meals on Wheels," and I turned right into the path of an oncoming car. I have never told anyone about that day. Thankfully the other driver was alert and avoided hitting me. But, there was a moment when I knew. I knew that incident happened because my thinking was foggy and I knew it was because of the diet. But I pushed that knowledge far back into my mind and continued on.

I stayed on the Kimkins diet for about 3 months. I lost 27 pounds. Not a huge amount but at 49 years old, with surgically induced menopause, it was a huge amount to me.

Hmmm...I said this post was going to be about Why? But it looks like it has turned in to a confession of sorts. I guess it was time for me to be completely honest about my time on Kimkins and my thought process at the time. It's time for me to admit to myself and everyone else that I lied about my time on Kimkins and how I felt while I was doing the Kimkins diet plan. Even in my earlier blog posts about Kimkins I said I felt good while I was doing Kimkins. That is just not true. I did not feel good and it's time to set the record straight. I am so sorry for the lies. It's weird, I wasn't intentionally lying. I was lying to myself as well.

These blog posts seem to take on a life of their own and go in directions I don't expect them to go. But maybe that's ok. Maybe it's part of the process. Maybe it's because what is dawning on me over the past few months is that I have an eating disorder. Maybe that's the why of it all.

I lurk alot on the "fascination" threads at "Low Carb Friends" I don't post there much but I lurk there daily. I read the posts and follow the links and I have learned alot about disordered eating from doing so. I have come to realize that I have an eating disorder. That is something I never would have believed about myself....but it's true. So I would like to thank the "Duck Squad" at LCF for doing what you do. In the beginning, I argued with you. There have been times when I have felt like ducks are scary. But I always read what you post. Thank you for making me see the truth.

There is so much more that I have to say about all of this. But this is all I can do right now.