My new friend Kelly over at Happy Texans posted a "Woman's World" magazine cover story on her blog. You can see her post here. Seeing that picture on her blog brought back a flood of memories. Memories of another Women's World cover story and another crazy crash diet....more than a crash diet actually...a scam. A scam perpetuated by a morbidly obese con artist. It brought back memories of the scam that was, and continues to be, The Kimkins Diet.

It brought back memories of this magazine cover...



I purchased a membership to the Kimkins Diet site one night shortly before the Women's World article hit the news stands. I was one of the foolish people who fell for this woman's claims. I did the Kimkins Diet plan for around 3 months. I lost weight quickly on it and gained it back even more quickly than I lost it. It's easy to find all the details of this disgusting scam on the internet. Doing a google search for "Kimkins" will bring up a plethora of blogs and stories pertaining to the diet and the woman pictured below. The woman in the photograph collage below is the founder of the Kimkins diet scam. At the time I fell for the scam and plunked down my hard earned $$$ to join her site, the woman pictured below was claiming to be the lovely woman in the upper left corner of the picture. She continued to claim to be that woman even after a private investigator took the photos of her in the grey pants. The image of her in the red blouse was taken at the attorney's office when she was deposed for the class action lawsuit that is in the works regarding her plan and her fraud. Believe it or not, this woman is still trying to run a diet advice site. She has flooded the social networking sites with come-ons for her plan.



So....my whole point is not to re-hash the craziness that was Kimkins in my life. My point is that there are any number of crazy weight loss plans out there. There will always be unscrupulous people who are looking to cash in on those of us who are at times desperate for an answer to our weight loss struggles.

Yes, I fell for the Kimkins scam. Beyond that, I have tried just about every weight loss plan out there. I have spent most of my life on one diet or another. I have done the faith based programs. I have done the crazy crash diets. I have tried this plan or that plan. I have tried simply praying and trying to bring my appetites under the control of the Holy Spirit...not a bad concept in itself but I failed to apply discipline and self control to that mix. All of my struggles have led me to the place I find myself in today.

Today I find myself DONE with crazy crash diets that tell me I can eat all of this or that food but none of this or that. Today I find myself finally acting on the realzation that there is no magic fix. The only answer is for me to learn moderation and control while continuing to pray and allow the Spirit of God to teach me to control my appetites.

I feel like a woman who is shaking of the chains and the bondage that "dieting" can (and in my case, had) become. It had become a strange combination in my life....bondage to gluttony, and bondage to the things of the world that I turned to to deceive myself into thinking that I was fixing the problem of gluttony and binge eating in my life, when all the while these things were perpetuating the behaviors that I was trying to free myself from.

It could be argued that by using the Weight Watchers plan to learn self control I have simply turned to another diet. But I don't believe that to be true. I believe that I am using the Weight Watchers points system to learn what moderation looks like in the real world....to teach myself control and moderation.

I am done with dieting. Dieting simply does not work. If it worked I would be slim and svelte rather than morbidly obese after a lifetime of dieting. What I am now embracing is a lifestyle change and a heart change based on the following passage of scripture...

Colossians 2:20-23
Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

Diets based on human wisdom alone lack any value in restraining my "sensual indulgences." I'm done with diets!

OK...here's what I ate yesterday...

A Western bagel, alternative bagel with fat free cream cheese, an apple sprinkled with cinnamon, and a cup of cinnamon tea. 2.5 points



A ham and cheese wrap made with fat free ham and cheese, on a LaTortilla Factory, Smart and Healthy tortilla, and a side of carrots, cucumber slices, and sugar snap peas, with wladen farms dressing to dip them in. 5 points



Tacos made with vegetarian ground beef substitute, Smart and healthy tortillas (again), lettuce, tomato, onion, salsa and fat free sour cream. I would have coupled this with fat free refried beans but i was out of them...darn!! Can you believe this luxurious meal was 3.5 points!?



Snack/Dessert was fat free plain yogurt flavored with PB2 and stevia, over a sliced frozen banana, sprinkled with Fiber One cereal and drizzled with Walden Farms Chocolate syrup. 5 points


I ate really well yesterday and was full and satisfied, but for some reason it only added up to 16 points for the whole day. My target is 23. I don't plan to make a habit of being so far below my ppoints target on a regular basis. I think this was just a fluke.

The Sisterhood

Here I am starting yet another post with the words, I've been thinking..."

But, the truth is, I HAVE been thinking. I find myself thinking often about the Kimkins diet scam and the reasons I fell for it. AmyB had a really good blog post this morning, titled What If. It's a good post, easy read and worth the minute or so that it takes to read it. In it Amy brings up the subject of what if Heidi had used her own photo on the Woman's World magazine cover? What if Heidi Diaz had promoted her diet scam using photos of her morbidly obese self? Would I have joined her scam diet site if she had presented herself for who she really was and most likely still is?

There is a Kimkins member who has recently begun posting at LCF on the "Fascination with Kimmer" threads. She apparently feels that she got exactly what she paid for, a diet plan and message board support. She has brought up the fact that the medical community can't even seem to agree on what constitutes a healthy diet. While I agree with her right to feel that way for herself, I completely and adamantly disagree with her reasoning on the subject.

You see, here's the thing...or here's the way I see it actually. The fact that the medical community can't agree on what constitutes a healthy weight loss plan was part of the reason I fell for the Kimkins diet scam. The medical community is slowly, haltingly catching on to the idea of a low carb lifestyle being a good plan for weight control and for overall good health. But, for many years we were told some really negative things about the Atkins Diet. There are still doctors who are opposed to the Atkins Diet plan. So, when I saw a woman who had supposedly lost 118 pounds in less than a year and kept it off for 6 years it piqued my interest. I already knew that I couldn't totally trust the "experts" who would tell me that the answer to my weight problem was carbs, carbs, and more carbs..while eliminating evil fats from my diet. But here was a woman who had fought this battle of the bulge and supposedly won and was continuing to walk in victory and health.

I suppose I was naive, in fact I'm sure I was. But, the fact that Heidi Diaz was a woman...a woman who battled a weight problem gave her a certain credibility with me. I would have been more suspisious of a man touting a weight control program, or a big corporation, or a weight loss clinic. But this was a woman, a woman like me, a member of a message board support group, a woman who had finally won the battle that so many of us fight. Call me niave, maybe it's stupid, but I believe in the sisterhood that exists between women. I still believe in it. I have found it to be true with some amazing women that I have met on different forums. Heidi Diaz violated that sisterhood. Being a morbidly overweight woman herself, she has an inside track to the thought processes that many of us have.....and she used that to lie, scam and take advantage of so many of her fellow women. I know there were a few men on the site but by and large, it is women who have fallen for her lies. And I believe that for many of us it was the "sisterhood" between women that gave her a certain amount of credibility.

So, in answer to AmyB's query, "What If," the answer is no. I would not have tried the Kimkins diet if I had known that Heidi Diaz was a morbidly obese woman who had ruined her own health and metabolism with her crazy dieting methods over the years.

I got this in a email from one of my "sisters" on another forum. I think it's appropriate to include it here. This the sisterhood that Heidi Diaz violated. And for the record, I still believe in this sisterhood. Heidi Diaz can't destroy my belief in my fellow women....

Sisters
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,
drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As
they talked about life, about marriage, about the
responsibilities of life and the obligations of
adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her
glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance
upon her daughter.
'Don't forget your Sisters,' she advised, swirling
the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll
be more important as you get older. No matter how
much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'
'Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...
your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other
women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'
What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman
thought. Haven't I just gotten married?
Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a
married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact
with her Sisters and made more women friends each
year. As the years tumbled by, one after another,
she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and naturework their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 50 years of living in this world,
here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how
many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,
praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on
your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the
valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk
beside you...Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,
daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers,
Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called life , we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.

I've been thinking...

Back in May of 2007, when I paid my $44.95 to purchase a "lifetime" membership at Kimkins, I never dreamed that it would mark the beginning of a year in which I would be forced to realize that my relationship to food and dieting has been so completely unhealthy.

My "lifetime" membership at Kimkins lasted until the beginning of September. Four months....lifetime....Hmmmm. My story of my Kimkins experience is here in earlier posts so I won't go through it all again.I only bring that up to say that my four month, "lifetime" membership at Kimkins is changing my life....just not in the way I thought it would.

Knowing what I know now, would I join Kimkins again? Of course not! The Kimkins diet plan is a dangerous plan that leads to health problems and eating disorders for those who don't already have them and exacerbates disordered eating patterns in those who do already have them. I will celebrate the day that her site is taken off the web and she goes to jail for her actions. But, I am one who believes that God causes all things to work together for my good. (Romans 8:28) I believe that He is using my experience at Kimkins to teach me some things, and in the end He will cause me to be better and stronger for the experience.

One thing that falling for the Kimkins diet scam has caused me to do is to stop and think about dieting and emotional eating and, yes, even idolatry, and the role these things play in my life. I've had to face some very unpleasant truths about myself.

Before I go any further, I need to say, I am not writing this blog post to preach at anyone, or to try and sway anyone to my way of thinking. I am simply journaling my journey and how it plays out in my life. I am a born again Christian and that fact is simply a part, or at least it should be a part, of everything in my life. Unfotunately, until recently, my Christianity hasn't affected my relationship to food and dieting. That is changing. Change isn't easy...and it's often not very pretty either!

As with most things, there was a moment of revealation that caused me to stop in my tracks and see that my focus has been wrong. That moment came for me when the deposition photos of Heidi Diaz/Kimmer were released.

When I saw the above photo of Heidi with that smug look on her face and realized once and for all that this was the woman I had been taking advice from, well, it just made me sick to my stomach. I had no choice but to realize I had a pretty desperate relationship with food and dieting. To this day, every time I look at that photo, it not only makes me sick, but the following passage of scripture comes to my mind:

Isaiah 55:2,3a

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me;hear me, that your soul may live.

It's difficult for me to put into words what my heart feels when I see that photo and think of that passage of scripture. It's like the Lord is saying to me, "why have you been turning to this diet plan or that diet plan, this diet guru or that diet guru, to heal your broken relationship with food? Don't you know that I am the Lord who loves you and heals you and will make you whole? The answer is not in yet another plan or book. Come to me, let me heal your brokeness. Look who you have chosen to trust and realize that the answer to your brokeness is not in anything that the world might offer you. Come to Me and allow Me to satisfy your soul and fill that empty place that you have been trying to fill with food for your entire life."

There is no way I can put into one post the things that have been strring in my heart and mind over the past few months so this is the first of several posts about this journey I am embarking on.

I have to say that while the moment of truth finally sinking in came when I looked at the deposition photos, that moment would not have happened if I hadn't been reading the posts of a group of "ducks" at LowCarbFriends.com. It was the information provided on the "Fascination" threads there that primed my heart and mind to see the truth. Thank you ducks!

Harsh Words...

Yesterday I said something harsh in commenting on AmyB's blog. I responded to a commentor who called herself "simpleannie" in words that were not very kind. I flippantly typed "simpleannie….step away from the koolaid, slowly step away….." It was wrong of me to respond in such a patronizing, derogotory tone and I sincerely apologize to simpleannie, to AmyB, and to anyone else who read my comment.

I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about how wrong and how counterproductive it is for me to respond to anyone in that manner. Am I the only one who wakes up in the night thinking about this stuff? I doubt it.

So anyway....I woke up thinking about my harsh words and remembering what made me decide to leave Kimkins. When I made the decision to leave Kimkins it wasn't because of comments about "drinking the koolaid," being a cult member, being to stupid to see the truth or any of the many such things I saw being said about Kimkins members. Those types of statements only served to make me want to dig my heels in deeper. Those types of statements, in my mind, gave less credibility to those who were making them. What that finally opened my eyes to the truth about Kimkins, Kimmer/Heidi Diaz were the words of someone who was nice, who didn't gossip, didn't say derogotory things about others, and who seemed to always find something encouraging or positive to everyone. Much like AmyB this person was always nice to everyone. This person was Becky, aka Littlebit. When Becky left the site and we were lied to about it I began exchanging e-mails with her. The truth was revealed to me in those e-mails.

My point in sharing that story is first of all AmyB, keep doing what you're doing. There are people whom your words will reach who will choose to see the truth. Secondly, for anyone who is reading AmyB's blog and wondering why she is speaking against Heidi and Singinglass, or speaking out in a way that's not the norm for her, please consider the source. Rather than chastize her for speaking out in a way that you aren't familiar with, consider that she is stepping out of her comfort zone to speak out in order to right a wrong. I've seen more than one instance of people questioning AmyB, asking something to the effect of "Amy, you were always so nice, why are you speaking out against Heidi or Singinglass this way" (my paraphrase) Please stop and think. If AmyB's words are not the nice words you are used to hearing from her, it's not because she is no longer a nice person. It's because she is a nice person and she's seen the truth and the truth is important to her.

Like I said earlier, keep doing what you're doing AmyB. Keep picking those flowers! You're doing a great job.

It's about time for an update, don't you think?

So, back in October I had decided I was going to be better about keeping up my blog. As you can see, that didn't happen. I think I just haven't known what to say. It's been months since I was banned from the Kimkins website and yet I find myself still dealing with the aftermath of it all. I only followed the Kimkins plan for a short time. I only lost 27 pounds, most of which I have gained back. My hair has become healthy again. I'm grateful for that.

This whole experience with Kimkins has made me stop and think about alot of things. One thing I have had to realize is that I don't know everything I think I know. I am an intelligent woman and I fell for the lies. That's been hard to face, admit, come to terms with, and move on. At least, I think I've moved on. Some days I'm not so sure. One thing I am still troubled by is the realization that there are people like Heidi Diaz. I mean, I knew there were people like her but none have really been a part of my reality before. I have "met" so many nice people on the internet and I have mostly just taken them at face value. Now a part of that is spoiled. Now there is always the knowledge that the person behind the smiling avatar, the person I am conversing with, might be someone completely different than who or what they are portraying themself to be. It's kinda creepy now. It's got me a little bit freaked out, if the truth be told. I am not nearly as active on line as I used to be. Like I said, it's kinda creepy now. I lurk alot. I don't post much anymore.

I was going to say more tonight. I started this post over the weekend but now it's Thursday 3/20 and I don't know how to change the date on the post.....anyway, I was going to say more tonight but thinking about this makes me feel sort of sad......almost homesick for the way things felt before Kimkins....so I am going to stop for now. For tonight this is enough.

continuing effects from Kimkins....

Ok...so I am trying to be positive, I'm trying to put kimkins behind me...but my hair is falling out by the handsful!!!! I have baby-fine thin-ish hair to begin with. I am terrified that I am going to end up looking like one of THOSE ladies with the REALLY thin hair, where my scalp will show glaringly through my few strands of hair. I know that there are those who have suffered MUCH worse effects than this and I am trying to take it all in stride...I really am...but my HAIR is falling out....more and more each day.
Another thing that is happening...and I have NO IDEA if it's related to the diet...but I'm putting it out here just in case anyone else is having this symptom....I am having "nerve twitches" on the left side of my face...you know...like when your eyelid just twitches on its own.....it's been happening for about a week. The sad thing is...I didn't do kimkins super strict for more than about 3 months....I'm worried