Self, self, self....I am seeing a pattern here.....self.
So this morning I prayed this over my SELF...
Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt
and innocent of great sin.
This might seem unrelated to all this talk of self. But really it isn't. You see, I am realizing that I have been trying to overcome these behaviors in my SELF...in my own strength, by my own power and in my own "wisdom"...it isn't working.
What I need is for God to "keep me from deliberate sins!" I need to rely on His power to strengthen me when I want to walk into the kitchen and eat everything I know I shouldn't eat!
I am done relying on my own power. I can't deliver myself from this trap. I need the power of God to intervene for me. I don't really know what that is going to look like. I am going to do my best to make healthy choices and begin to babystep my way back to a healthy lifestyle....and I am going to continue to cry out to God my Savior to deliver me from my own self destructive behavior. Then I will be free of the guilt and self loathing that takes my eyes off of my God and focuses them on me.