Thursday, November 19, 2009

I've been in a funk...

I'm not sure why, but I have been in a funk...spiraling out of healthy lifestyle falling by the wayside...and allowing myslef to binge and be lazy. Of course with the binging comes the self loathing which turns into self pity...

Self, self, self....I am seeing a pattern here.....self.

So this morning I prayed this over my SELF...

Psalm 19:13
Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt
and innocent of great sin.

This might seem unrelated to all this talk of self. But really it isn't. You see, I am realizing that I have been trying to overcome these behaviors in my my own strength, by my own power and in my own "wisdom" isn't working.

What I need is for God to "keep me from deliberate sins!" I need to rely on His power to strengthen me when I want to walk into the kitchen and eat everything I know I shouldn't eat!

I am done relying on my own power. I can't deliver myself from this trap. I need the power of God to intervene for me. I don't really know what that is going to look like. I am going to do my best to make healthy choices and begin to babystep my way back to a healthy lifestyle....and I am going to continue to cry out to God my Savior to deliver me from my own self destructive behavior. Then I will be free of the guilt and self loathing that takes my eyes off of my God and focuses them on me.

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