This morning I'm thinking about my size 14 jeans. Yesterday as I was getting ready for work and pulling my size 14 jeans on, I realized that once again I was feeling sad. I was feeling sad because those size 14 jeans were a reminder for me that just a few months ago I was pulling on size 12 jeans, and they were getting loose. It was such a victorious feeling for me to be in size 12 jeans.
Never mind that people warned me that losing weight on Kimkins was unhealthy and wasn't going to be a loss I would be able to sustain. I was shrinking and that's all that mattered to me. But then, I started noticing when I looked in the mirror, that I was looking so old. And I was looking old all of the sudden? Could it be my diet? Then I began to notice that my skin was just sort of sagging. Could that be my diet as well? There were nagging doubts. Looking back, I have to admit that part of why I stayed on Kimkins was because I didn't want to admit I was wrong. I didn't want to admit that I was one of "those people" who fell for a scam. But I was, and that's another reason I was feeling sad about my size 14 jeans. They symbolized the roller coaster ride of stupid crash dieting, being scammed, feeling like a fool, realizing my disordered thoughts about eating, and regaining my weight. Those jeans were reminding me of alot of things and I was feeling sort of sad about it all.
But then, I remembered the day I was able to squeeze into size 14 jeans after years of being in size 18 and 20 jeans. I remembered the joy of pulling those size 14 jeans over my shrinking hips! And it dawned on me. I haven't failed in my quest for a slimmer, happier life! I am still slimmer than I was 2 years ago. My health is improving every day since I stopped doing Kimkins. Yes, I fell for the scam. But Heidi Diaz didn't win. She doesn't have the last say in all of this. My journey for a slimmer healthier life will continue and if justice is served, her life will continue in jail.
So this morning as I pull on my size 14 jeans to go to work, I will be grateful. I will be thankful for lessons learned, and I will feel joy as I pull those jeans up over my hips!