...I have been eating...no that's not quite right...I have been OVER EATING...and I am finally....truly...(maybe).....realizing that maybe there really is something to the idea that I am eating to stuff down feelings and emotions that I don't want to deal with.
Can this possibly be true? I think maybe it is. I realize that it looks pretty simple when I type the words here and read them back to myself. The phrase that goes through my head is, "Gee, really? Ya THINK maybe?" (sarcastic tone here)
You see...I have read for years that there is likely an emotional issue involved with overeating. On some level I know that that is true. But on another level, somewhere inside me, I feel like that's not really true. It's just that I like to eat and I like the taste of food and I have crappy self control. But maybe there's more to it than that. Maybe I really am eating to numb my feelings or at the very least to distract myself. (Oh my goodness, I just flashed on the visual image of a baby being comforted with a pacifier)
So anyway...My eating has been pretty much out of control for the past several weeks. Last time I checked (a few days ago) the scale had crept back up to 200 pounds.
There have been some things going on that have rocked me recently. I have struggled to come to terms with some personal, family issues in recent weeks. Coincidentally, these things surfaced at the same time I seem to have lost control of my healthy eating.
That's all I have to say about that right now :)