Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Day Two, back on plan...

so, today was the second day of my re-committment to a healthy eating plan. Part of me is embarrassed to begin blogging about being back on plan yet again and yet the alternative is what?...to give up? So...here I am....back on plan AGAIN...and blogging about it.

I ended up going to my parents' house today to weigh myself. On one hand it was worse than I thought and yet on the other hand, on some level, I felt like it could have been a whole lot worse. It was very much a reckoning to step on that scale again. What is it about a number on a scale that can make me feel sick and shakey and ashamed all at once? As you can probaly see by what I am saying here....I don't have a very healthy relationship with the scale...LOL. That's why I don't own one...but I feel like I need the level of accountability that weighing myself provides for me. So I will face the damnable thing once a month. I will refuse to give in to the feelings of failure and unworthiness that it stirs in my heart and mind. It is a tool, an accessory, a gadget...I will NOT allow it to control my sense of self worth...I WON'T!!!...well maybe I will a tiny bit.

So anyway....I weighed myself. I am at 209 lbs. {{{sigh}}}

The good news is that I stayed on plan all day today. I have 2 days of healthy eating under my belt. I am going to eat healthy one day at a time until it becomes a lot of days, until it becomes a lifestyle....because I still don't want to be on a diet.

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