This past year, especially this past few weeks have been a really tough time for me. Honestly, the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas have all sort of melded together in my mind into one big emotional rollercoaster. I couldn't tell you exactly which week it was but during one of the weeks, shortly after Thanksgiving, my daughter in law announced she was ending her marriage to my son. I can not even begin to describe the emotional devastation this news has brought for me. Not only is it incredibly difficult to watch my son trying to survive having his entire world rocked with one simple statement, "I want out, I am done, I don't love you anymore." But, these are the parents of my beautiful, almost 4 year old granddaughter, Autumn. It tears at my heart strings like nothing ever has before to watch her struggle to cope with the turmoil and uncertainty that the actions of her parents have introduced into her young life.
So, that, coupled with the fact that the holiday season is our busiest season of the entire year at work...and...well...it's all just been a really weird time of trying to hold on...trying to keep from being swallowed up by the emotions and all the chaos of the season....wanting to trust in God's sovereignty and believe that ALL THINGS must be filtered through His loving hand before they come in to our lives and yet finding it so contrary to what I want for my son and my granddaughter...and yes, even for my daughter in law.
But today...today I almost feel like I can breathe again. My emotions are settling down. I have had some time to get some sleep and some time off after the craziness of the pace at work and I can feel my heart beginning to say, "Not my will, but Yours be done, Lord" If all of this has come in to my son's life to draw him back to you then I will not only accept it but I will choose to rejoice in your love and grace and mercy. I will choose to believe that you love my son, Chris, and my beautiful, precious Autumn, infinitely more than I do and that You can be trusted to cause all things to work together for good in their lives.
None of this is easy to watch...but today I choose to trust God and to rejoice and be thankful in all things.....