Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I've been thinking...

Back in May of 2007, when I paid my $44.95 to purchase a "lifetime" membership at Kimkins, I never dreamed that it would mark the beginning of a year in which I would be forced to realize that my relationship to food and dieting has been so completely unhealthy.

My "lifetime" membership at Kimkins lasted until the beginning of September. Four months....lifetime....Hmmmm. My story of my Kimkins experience is here in earlier posts so I won't go through it all again.I only bring that up to say that my four month, "lifetime" membership at Kimkins is changing my life....just not in the way I thought it would.

Knowing what I know now, would I join Kimkins again? Of course not! The Kimkins diet plan is a dangerous plan that leads to health problems and eating disorders for those who don't already have them and exacerbates disordered eating patterns in those who do already have them. I will celebrate the day that her site is taken off the web and she goes to jail for her actions. But, I am one who believes that God causes all things to work together for my good. (Romans 8:28) I believe that He is using my experience at Kimkins to teach me some things, and in the end He will cause me to be better and stronger for the experience.

One thing that falling for the Kimkins diet scam has caused me to do is to stop and think about dieting and emotional eating and, yes, even idolatry, and the role these things play in my life. I've had to face some very unpleasant truths about myself.

Before I go any further, I need to say, I am not writing this blog post to preach at anyone, or to try and sway anyone to my way of thinking. I am simply journaling my journey and how it plays out in my life. I am a born again Christian and that fact is simply a part, or at least it should be a part, of everything in my life. Unfotunately, until recently, my Christianity hasn't affected my relationship to food and dieting. That is changing. Change isn't easy...and it's often not very pretty either!

As with most things, there was a moment of revealation that caused me to stop in my tracks and see that my focus has been wrong. That moment came for me when the deposition photos of Heidi Diaz/Kimmer were released.

When I saw the above photo of Heidi with that smug look on her face and realized once and for all that this was the woman I had been taking advice from, well, it just made me sick to my stomach. I had no choice but to realize I had a pretty desperate relationship with food and dieting. To this day, every time I look at that photo, it not only makes me sick, but the following passage of scripture comes to my mind:

Isaiah 55:2,3a

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me;hear me, that your soul may live.

It's difficult for me to put into words what my heart feels when I see that photo and think of that passage of scripture. It's like the Lord is saying to me, "why have you been turning to this diet plan or that diet plan, this diet guru or that diet guru, to heal your broken relationship with food? Don't you know that I am the Lord who loves you and heals you and will make you whole? The answer is not in yet another plan or book. Come to me, let me heal your brokeness. Look who you have chosen to trust and realize that the answer to your brokeness is not in anything that the world might offer you. Come to Me and allow Me to satisfy your soul and fill that empty place that you have been trying to fill with food for your entire life."

There is no way I can put into one post the things that have been strring in my heart and mind over the past few months so this is the first of several posts about this journey I am embarking on.

I have to say that while the moment of truth finally sinking in came when I looked at the deposition photos, that moment would not have happened if I hadn't been reading the posts of a group of "ducks" at LowCarbFriends.com. It was the information provided on the "Fascination" threads there that primed my heart and mind to see the truth. Thank you ducks!


OhYeahBabe said...

WOW, Vickie! WOW!
My blog: Kimorexia
Check out Kimkins on Insider Exclusive!

VernsWifeVickie said...

OYB..thanks for commenting. I have much to share about what I am learning through this experience. It's just so hard to put into words sometimes.

BamaGal said...

Excellent post!!

And the words came out just fine....

VernsWifeVickie said...

Thanks Bama, I have the utmost respect for you so your opinion means alot to me.

Deni said...

Great post Vickie! I'm right there with ya. :) Looking forward to seeing the rest of your posts on this topic. :)

Anonymous said...

Matthew 6:14-15

Jesus compares our sins to debts. We have violated our obligation of being obedient to God, and this exposes us to the penalty that results from that violation. To teach us the lesson of forgiveness, God bases how He forgives us by the forgiveness we extend to others!

Those who come before Him unwilling to forgive others cannot expect God to show them the love and mercy they desire. God will not show them the mercy and love they will not extend to others! If we forgive others when they injure us, our Father will forgive us.

How are we to conduct ourselves in forgiving others? We must forgive, even if the offender does not ask to be forgiven. We should treat the one who has injured or offended us with kindness, not harboring any grudge or speaking of that individual condemningly. We should always be ready to do him good if the opportunity arises. This is a tall order!

Why act this way when it goes so strongly against human nature? First, it produces peace. Second, it sets the example for the offending individual—and for everyone else—of what God considers right and proper.

Does forgiveness of a person fighting a recurring problem mean that we should place complete trust in him in the area of his problem? With many problems—poor money handling, gossip, lying, stealing, and sexual sins, to name a few—we need to see a track record of overcoming before considering him trustworthy, but we can still be understanding, forgiving, and encouraging.

VernsWifeVickie said...

Deni...thanks for visiting my blog and for your comment. It's always a pleasure to hear from you.

Anonymous said...

that was an amazing post, Vickie