October 31, 2012

It's been one of those weeks....my eating isn't especially bad. I'm on plan for the most part. But I'm busy and stressed. I'm kind of tracking but not as faithfully as I should.

So much of this journey is mental and emotional...so today I'm just going to share something I wrote yesterday morning after waking from a nightmare. It's 24 hours later and my heart is still raw from it...

This morning at 3:33am I awoke from a nightmare. There were those few seconds when I was waking up and hadn't yet realized it was a dream and I was sick with grief and fear and panic. And even after realizing it was a dream I am left feeling a little wounded and traumatized.

I dreamed I was with my granddaughter at a park. A park with a pond. We were walking near the edge and she was being silly. Just as I was about to caution her to be careful, she slipped and fell into the murky, slimy water, and immediately sank to the bottom.

As so often it happens in dreams, my feet seemed to be glued to the ground and my body moved in slow motion as I first reached for her and then jumped in after her. I was swimming frantically in the dirty, murky water trying to find her, to save her, knowing that she was drowning as I was searching for her.

I woke up in a cold sweat before I was able to rescue her. As I came to my senses I reached for my phone to see what time it was. Exactly 3:33am. I snapped a screenshot of the time on my phone, just because.

I got up to use the bathroom and when I got back in bed I told Vern about my dream. I told him I was sure it reflected my helpless feelings about the situation of her mother moving to Texas and her being caught in these circumstances that no seven year old should have to experience. My heart breaks for her and for her Dad, my son, who is doing his best to deal with all of it as his own heart is breaking.

As I laid back on my pillow, reflecting on all of this, I suddenly thought of Naaman, from the book of 2 Kings. Naaman had leprosy and he went to see the prophet, Elisha, to be cured. When he got to where Elisha was, Elisha didn't even come out to talk to him. He sent a messenger to tell him to wash in the Jordan river seven times and them he would be cured.

Naaman was furious. Elisha's instructions made no sense at all. The Jordan was dirty, and couldn't Elisha have at least come out and spoken to him in person?

Thankfully for Naaman, he had friends who convinced him to do what the prophet instructed and he was healed of his leprosy.

So what does that story have to do with my dream? I think it just may be that God is trying to tell me something. I think maybe I need to simply trust Him. None of this makes any sense to me. I don't see how any good can come of this situation. Just as Naaman would never have thought to take a dip in the filthy Jordan river, I would never have chosen this difficult path for my grandchild to have to walk. But I know that God loves her. I know that He brings beauty from ashes. I know that His ways are not my ways and things don't have to make sense in order for me to trust Him. So my choice is this...I can choose to let go of the care and worry of all if this and simply trust God or I can drown in the muck and slime of worry and fear.

This morning, once again, I am choosing to lay it down. I am choosing to trust that God will somehow work this all out and He will care for my precious granddaughter in the midst of it all. I say all of this knowing that its only by the power of His Holy Spirit that I will be able to do this and I'm sure I'll have to lay it down again and again as the care of it all creeps back in. His grace is sufficient ...for me...and for the ones I love.

I'm reminded of this quote by Alan Redpath...

"There is nothing - no circumstance, no trouble, no testing - that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift up my eyes to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause my to fret - for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is! - That is the rest of victory!" Alan Redpath

October 29, 2012

Sunday October 28, 2012
Weekend Wrap Up

So it's been a good weekend. Good, but busy! I had every intention of updating my blog on Saturday morning. But the time got away from me. So anyway...

Friday was a 47 PointsPlus day
(There was cake involved)
Weekly points used 21
Weekly points remaining 28
ActiveLink points earned 1
ActiveLink remaining 1

Saturday october 27, 2012
I started the day with a 9.25 mile interval run. I did intervals of walk 30 seconds/run 45 seconds.

Breakfast was a yummy smoothie made with 2% milk, a frozen banana, PB2 powder, and a deep chocolate mini vitacake. So, so good!
Coffee with SF creamer
7 PointsPlus

Lunch:
Grilled turkey and cheese sandwich, made with FF cheese, grilled in a pan sprayed with non stick spray.
Sliced apple
5 PointsPlus

Dinner:
"Spaghetti" made with Shiritaki noodles, Morningstar farms "crumbles" and canned spaghetti sauce.
6 PointsPlus

Snacks:
SF Gelatin with fruit
Fage Total 0 Greek Yogurt
"S'mores" made with graham crackers, chocolate frosting, marshmallows.
13 PointsPlus

Total 31
Weekly used 5 PointsPlus
Weekly remaining 23
ActiveLink earned 17
ActiveLink remaining 18

Sunday October 28, 2012

Breakfast:
Same smoothie as Saturday
Coffee with SF creamer
7 PointsPlus

Lunch:
Turkey and cheese sandwich on
Alternative pita
Sliced apples
6 PointsPlus

Dinner:
Rotisserie chicken leg quarters
Mixed vegetables with
Brummel & Brown spread
Kale Salad with
FF poppyseed dressing
SF Gelatin
13 PointsPlus

26 PointsPlus
0 Weekly points used
ActiveLink earned 0
ActiveLink remaining 18

Friday October 26, 2012

So stinkin busy!! I'll post a real update soon. But for now...Friday morning weigh in...down 1.4 pounds!!

Wednesday October 24, 2012

October 24, 2012

This week has been extremely busy! I had every intention of posting yesterday but the day got away from me. So today is a catch up post.

Monday October 22, 2012
You can see, by the number of frozen entrees in my menu, that it's the beginning of a busy chaotic week....

Breakfast:
Smart Ones Breakfast Sandwich
Sliced apple
Coffee with SF creamer
7 PointsPlus

Lunch:
Veggie burger on a
Sandwich Thin with
FF cheese
Sliced apple
7 PointsPlus

Dinner:
Smart Ones Frozen Entree
While that was cooking I had a
Serving of veggie straws and
2 ounces of cheese
11 PointsPlus

Snacks:
Banana
Pear
0 PointsPlus

Total 31 Target 26
Weekly Used 5, remaining 38
ActiveLink earned 2
Remaining 7

Tuesday October 23, 2012

Ugh!!! This day is what it is...or was, as it's now early Wednesday morning and I'm reflecting on it.

I think it's pretty safe to say that I have some pretty deeply ingrained emotional eating patterns that I am working on changing. There are some things in my life that aren't as I would like them to be. There are stresses as a business owner that still blow me away sometimes....and there is just the junk and stress of everyday life that constantly comes at us. I have made huge strides in overcoming my tendency for turning to food when I am frustrated, overwhelmed, tired, angry.....choose any or all of the above emotions....but there are days when I crumble under the pressure.

Yesterday was one of those days. It was a long day, starting at 4:30am so I could squeeze in time for a run and ending at around 10:30pm when I got home from my bible study group.

It happened when I got home. I fixed my granddaughter's turkey sandwich to pack in her lunch for today and when I cut it with a cookie cutter, rather than tossing the crusty part, I ate it. That tasted good so I grabbed a few slices of turkey and wrapped them around cheese and ate those. That led to a bowl of veggie straws that I mindlessly munched on as I read a chapter of a book. Then I wanted something sweet so I made a half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and ate that. Then I went to bed....

Now it's the next morning. My stomach is not very happy with me. I can't even begin to describe how much I don't want to post any of this because binge eating is my little "secret." The binge food is not photographed for the blog, because as I'm eating it I am telling myself that I'm not going to tell. I'm not going to blog about it or I'm even going to lie about it. I tell myself no one would really know if I just omitted it from the details of the blog post. But then it comes time to write the blog post and I've come to my senses and, of course, I can't lie about it or omit it like it didn't happen...what good could possibly come of that!?

And, of course, the food that promised to comfort and calm my stress had turned out to be a liar once again. It's almost comical when I think about it. I mean really...how many times does a person have to wake up feeling sick, and disgusted, and ashamed???

Okay so there we go. I binged, I tracked it. I can't take it back. I can't end my journey of a healthier lifestyle because of it...I cant lie about it or pretend it didn't happen...it just is what it is. And, today is going to be better.

Breakfast:
Oatmeal Breakfast Cookie
Pears
Coffee with SF creamer
5 PointsPlus

Lunch:
Pastrami sandwich on
Roman Meal bread with
FF cheese slice
Tomato
Sliced apples
7 PointsPlus

Dinner:
Frozen Entree
With added cheese
11 PointsPlus

Snacks/Binge
Listed above
37 PointsPlus

Total 60 Target 26
Weekly used 34, remaining 4
ActiveLink earned 6
Remaining 13

Interval ran 5.03 miles
13.04 min/mile pace

And...onward!

Shiritaki Noodles

Miracle Noodles

I mention Shiritaki noodles fairly frequently, so I decided to share a little bit about them.

There are two types of Shiritaki noodles. One type has tofu in them and can be found in some grocery stores. The tofu kind have around 20 calories per serving.

The ones I use don't have tofu in them. They have zero calories or carbs. I like them better than the tofu ones. I have never seen them in a grocery store.

I order them on line, in bulk, from here:

www.miraclenoodle.com

They have a long shelf life and don't require refrigeration.

There are several shapes to choose from. I use the angel hair and the rice shapes. The "rice" looks more like tapioca balls than rice and works well as a rice or macaroni substitute.

I've learned a couple of things about using these noodles along the way. First, they are packed in a liquid and they have a distinct odor when you open the package. It's almost a fishy smell. So they need to be rinsed very well. I rinse them in hot running water for about a minute. Secondly, they are very wet and they taste the best when they are dried well. I have discovered the best way to dry them is to dump them in a nonstick skillet over med-high heat and stir them around until the liquid evaporates and the noodles start to bounce and sort of squeak against the surface of the hot skillet. Once you've done this they are ready to use in whatever way you choose. They don't really have a flavor of their own and they take on the flavor of whatever you put them with.

I use them the make frozen pasta type entrees bigger. I use them to make macaroni and cheese. And as a substitute for rice. I've also used them with the seasoning packet from ramen noodles as a soup.

There are tons of recipes on the website and I plan to start trying some of them soon.

So there you go...everything I know about Miracle Shiritaki Noodles!

Monday October 22, 2012

Yesterday was a stay at home in my jammies, have imaginary tea parties with my granddaughter, kind of day. It was exhausting....lol. I tend to forget, between visits, how much time and attention one small child requires. And, she has a much larger capacity for the Disney channel and chatter than I seem to have. But we made it through day one of her 6 day stay and I was so happy to see bedtime!!

My eating was on track and thankfully imaginary treats don't have a PointsPlus value.

Sunday October 21, 2012

Pre-Breakfast:
Banana
Coffee with SF creamer

Breakfast:
Eggbeaters omelet with
2 slices precooked bacon
Spinach
FF cheese slice
Sliced apple
Coffee with SF creamer
5 PointsPlus

Lunch:
Smart Ones Angel Hair Marinara
With Shiritaki noodles,
Brummel & Brown spread
And Laughing Cow Cheese
7 PointsPlus

Dinner:
Turkey Meatballs
Shiritaki Rice with
Brummel & Brown Spread and
Laughing Cow cheese
9 PointsPlus

Snack:
Pear

Total 22 Target 26
Weekly Used 0
Remaining 43
ActiveLink earned 0
Remaining 4

Sunday October 21, 2012

So yesterday was my first run after not running for eight days. I did 5 miles. I walked the first half mile, then ran intervals for the next 3.5 miles, and then walked the last mile. It was hard! Harder than I expected it to be. I am sore this morning. But I am glad to have that first run out of the way.

I forgot to wear my ActiveLink when I ran. That's the first time that's happened for me. There is a feature on the Weight Watchers ActiveLink site where you can name your activities for a certain time period and it will add the Points value. Apparently it's not very accurate. Normally when I run in the morning and then have a normally active day. I earn between 6 and 8 activity points. But by naming my points on the site I got 3 points for the day. It's fine because I rarely use all of my activity points anyway. I just found it interesting that that feature is so inaccurate. If I calculate the activity on the Weight Watchers activity calculator it gives me a total of 6 points. Oh well...just musing about it.

My food was on track and I am back to tracking every bite.

Saturday October 20, 2012
Pre-run:
1/2 cup Greek yogurt
1/2 banana
Coffee with SF creamer
2 PointsPlus

Breakfast:
Weight Watcher Smoothie Mix crepe
With banana & PB2 Flavored
Walden Farms Pancake Syrup
(Recipe below)
Coffee with SF Creamer
4 PointsPlus

Lunch:
Skipped lunch-busy day

Dinner:
Rotisserie Chicken Leg Quarter
1/2 cup Rice with
1 tbs Brummel & Brown Spread
Okra & Tomatoes
16 PointsPlus

Snacks:
Fage Total 0% Greek yogurt with
Stevia and PB2
Dubliner sharp cheese 2oz
Grapes
10 PointsPlus

Total 32 Target 26
Weekly Points Allowance used 6
Remaining 43
ActiveLink Points earned 3
Remaining 3

Weight Watchers Smoothie mix Crepe:
I packet WW Smoothie mix
1/2 cup egg substitute
Mix together and pour into a skillet sprayed with nonstick spray.
Cook on medium heat until it puffs up and starts to look done around the edges and is firm enough to flip without it running or falling apart.
Turn out onto a plate and top with your choice of toppings.

The one I had this morning was chocolate smoothie mix and had sliced bananas on it. For the syrup I mixed PB2 powdered peanut butter with Walden Farms pancake syrup to make peanut butter flavored maple syrup. It was so good!