So...last night after work Vern and I went out for dinner. We went to one of those "Chinese" buffet places that also has a full selection of American choices. I made good choices. I had a put together a nice spinach salad from the salad bar. I picked some nice meats and some buttered mushrooms. I didn't stuff myself as I have been known to do at those places. I am pretty pleased with how it all went.
After the buffet Vern wanted to go to Dairy Queen and have a banana split. He ordered the banana split and two spoons. I had a few bites. It's ok because
I AM NOT ON A DIET!
The significance of my not being on a diet is this....because I am not on a diet, having a few bites of a banana split on Friday night with my husband does not have to trigger an all out binge! Oh how simple that sounds when I say it! The actual walking out of that fact was a little bit more difficult than it looks when I type it here. The evil little woman who lives in my brain and whispers her lies in my ear tried to tell me it needed to be a binge. She whispered, "Now you've blown it, you might as well eat this and this and this..." But, I didn't "blow it" because I am not on a diet...so it's impossible for me to "blow it." It took some effort for me to ignore the voice that's been whispering her lies to me for my whole life. But I did it. I had a few bites of a banana split and I was done.....because I AM NOT ON A DIET!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Living Low Carb Again...
Once again it's been a while since I've posted here. In the weeks since I posted last I have come to the decision to return to the low carb lifestyle. I have struggled over the past 8 or 9 months with binge eating, with never wanting to be on a diet again and with exactly how one lives a life in harmony with food without being on a diet. The fact that I never want to be on a diet again has not changed. I am DONE with dieting. I have dieted or binged for my entire life....well since I was 11 or 12 years old anyway....and I am done with that.
The struggle in my mind has been the idea that low carb living is a diet. That idea has kept me spinning out of control for the past few months. One morning a couple of weeks ago, I was sitting here at this computer and I just simply thought to myself, "Today is the day." I was drinking a cup of coffee with heavy cream in it. I realized that I could just start now, this minute, choosing low carb foods again. Suddenly I realized that the only thing that could turn my low carb lifestyle into a diet was my mentality. It doesn't have to be a diet. It can be a lifestyle. Those words look so simple as I type them here, but that morning it was a profound realization for me. At that moment something clicked in my thinking and I began my low carb lifestyle once again.
I can't remember exactly what day I started. I don't remember the date but I remember the moment. That day I went to the store and I stocked my kitchen with healthy low carb foods again. Since that day I have eaten in a healthy, controlled manner. I have not binged...not one time. I weighed and measured myself simply to get a baseline but I won't be weighing and measuring on a regular basis. My weight and my measurements are not going to be deciding factor on whether or not I am "successful." I am not on a diet, my goal is not to lose weight or to be a certain size. My goal is to live in harmony with food. I feel like I am making progress with that.
so...I am living a low carb lifestyle again. Every day, sometimes many times in a day, I have to remind myself that I am not on a diet. It would be pretty easy for me to slip back into my old habits and turn this into a diet. I could obsess over every carb, every calorie, every fat gram. I could log every tidbit that I eat into "Fitday." The temptation is there to do just that. But I am not on a diet. I am not on a weightloss program. I am simply living a low carb lifestyle.
The struggle in my mind has been the idea that low carb living is a diet. That idea has kept me spinning out of control for the past few months. One morning a couple of weeks ago, I was sitting here at this computer and I just simply thought to myself, "Today is the day." I was drinking a cup of coffee with heavy cream in it. I realized that I could just start now, this minute, choosing low carb foods again. Suddenly I realized that the only thing that could turn my low carb lifestyle into a diet was my mentality. It doesn't have to be a diet. It can be a lifestyle. Those words look so simple as I type them here, but that morning it was a profound realization for me. At that moment something clicked in my thinking and I began my low carb lifestyle once again.
I can't remember exactly what day I started. I don't remember the date but I remember the moment. That day I went to the store and I stocked my kitchen with healthy low carb foods again. Since that day I have eaten in a healthy, controlled manner. I have not binged...not one time. I weighed and measured myself simply to get a baseline but I won't be weighing and measuring on a regular basis. My weight and my measurements are not going to be deciding factor on whether or not I am "successful." I am not on a diet, my goal is not to lose weight or to be a certain size. My goal is to live in harmony with food. I feel like I am making progress with that.
so...I am living a low carb lifestyle again. Every day, sometimes many times in a day, I have to remind myself that I am not on a diet. It would be pretty easy for me to slip back into my old habits and turn this into a diet. I could obsess over every carb, every calorie, every fat gram. I could log every tidbit that I eat into "Fitday." The temptation is there to do just that. But I am not on a diet. I am not on a weightloss program. I am simply living a low carb lifestyle.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
The Sisterhood
Here I am starting yet another post with the words, I've been thinking..."
But, the truth is, I HAVE been thinking. I find myself thinking often about the Kimkins diet scam and the reasons I fell for it. AmyB had a really good blog post this morning, titled What If. It's a good post, easy read and worth the minute or so that it takes to read it. In it Amy brings up the subject of what if Heidi had used her own photo on the Woman's World magazine cover? What if Heidi Diaz had promoted her diet scam using photos of her morbidly obese self? Would I have joined her scam diet site if she had presented herself for who she really was and most likely still is?
There is a Kimkins member who has recently begun posting at LCF on the "Fascination with Kimmer" threads. She apparently feels that she got exactly what she paid for, a diet plan and message board support. She has brought up the fact that the medical community can't even seem to agree on what constitutes a healthy diet. While I agree with her right to feel that way for herself, I completely and adamantly disagree with her reasoning on the subject.
You see, here's the thing...or here's the way I see it actually. The fact that the medical community can't agree on what constitutes a healthy weight loss plan was part of the reason I fell for the Kimkins diet scam. The medical community is slowly, haltingly catching on to the idea of a low carb lifestyle being a good plan for weight control and for overall good health. But, for many years we were told some really negative things about the Atkins Diet. There are still doctors who are opposed to the Atkins Diet plan. So, when I saw a woman who had supposedly lost 118 pounds in less than a year and kept it off for 6 years it piqued my interest. I already knew that I couldn't totally trust the "experts" who would tell me that the answer to my weight problem was carbs, carbs, and more carbs..while eliminating evil fats from my diet. But here was a woman who had fought this battle of the bulge and supposedly won and was continuing to walk in victory and health.
I suppose I was naive, in fact I'm sure I was. But, the fact that Heidi Diaz was a woman...a woman who battled a weight problem gave her a certain credibility with me. I would have been more suspisious of a man touting a weight control program, or a big corporation, or a weight loss clinic. But this was a woman, a woman like me, a member of a message board support group, a woman who had finally won the battle that so many of us fight. Call me niave, maybe it's stupid, but I believe in the sisterhood that exists between women. I still believe in it. I have found it to be true with some amazing women that I have met on different forums. Heidi Diaz violated that sisterhood. Being a morbidly overweight woman herself, she has an inside track to the thought processes that many of us have.....and she used that to lie, scam and take advantage of so many of her fellow women. I know there were a few men on the site but by and large, it is women who have fallen for her lies. And I believe that for many of us it was the "sisterhood" between women that gave her a certain amount of credibility.
So, in answer to AmyB's query, "What If," the answer is no. I would not have tried the Kimkins diet if I had known that Heidi Diaz was a morbidly obese woman who had ruined her own health and metabolism with her crazy dieting methods over the years.
I got this in a email from one of my "sisters" on another forum. I think it's appropriate to include it here. This the sisterhood that Heidi Diaz violated. And for the record, I still believe in this sisterhood. Heidi Diaz can't destroy my belief in my fellow women....
But, the truth is, I HAVE been thinking. I find myself thinking often about the Kimkins diet scam and the reasons I fell for it. AmyB had a really good blog post this morning, titled What If. It's a good post, easy read and worth the minute or so that it takes to read it. In it Amy brings up the subject of what if Heidi had used her own photo on the Woman's World magazine cover? What if Heidi Diaz had promoted her diet scam using photos of her morbidly obese self? Would I have joined her scam diet site if she had presented herself for who she really was and most likely still is?
There is a Kimkins member who has recently begun posting at LCF on the "Fascination with Kimmer" threads. She apparently feels that she got exactly what she paid for, a diet plan and message board support. She has brought up the fact that the medical community can't even seem to agree on what constitutes a healthy diet. While I agree with her right to feel that way for herself, I completely and adamantly disagree with her reasoning on the subject.
You see, here's the thing...or here's the way I see it actually. The fact that the medical community can't agree on what constitutes a healthy weight loss plan was part of the reason I fell for the Kimkins diet scam. The medical community is slowly, haltingly catching on to the idea of a low carb lifestyle being a good plan for weight control and for overall good health. But, for many years we were told some really negative things about the Atkins Diet. There are still doctors who are opposed to the Atkins Diet plan. So, when I saw a woman who had supposedly lost 118 pounds in less than a year and kept it off for 6 years it piqued my interest. I already knew that I couldn't totally trust the "experts" who would tell me that the answer to my weight problem was carbs, carbs, and more carbs..while eliminating evil fats from my diet. But here was a woman who had fought this battle of the bulge and supposedly won and was continuing to walk in victory and health.
I suppose I was naive, in fact I'm sure I was. But, the fact that Heidi Diaz was a woman...a woman who battled a weight problem gave her a certain credibility with me. I would have been more suspisious of a man touting a weight control program, or a big corporation, or a weight loss clinic. But this was a woman, a woman like me, a member of a message board support group, a woman who had finally won the battle that so many of us fight. Call me niave, maybe it's stupid, but I believe in the sisterhood that exists between women. I still believe in it. I have found it to be true with some amazing women that I have met on different forums. Heidi Diaz violated that sisterhood. Being a morbidly overweight woman herself, she has an inside track to the thought processes that many of us have.....and she used that to lie, scam and take advantage of so many of her fellow women. I know there were a few men on the site but by and large, it is women who have fallen for her lies. And I believe that for many of us it was the "sisterhood" between women that gave her a certain amount of credibility.
So, in answer to AmyB's query, "What If," the answer is no. I would not have tried the Kimkins diet if I had known that Heidi Diaz was a morbidly obese woman who had ruined her own health and metabolism with her crazy dieting methods over the years.
I got this in a email from one of my "sisters" on another forum. I think it's appropriate to include it here. This the sisterhood that Heidi Diaz violated. And for the record, I still believe in this sisterhood. Heidi Diaz can't destroy my belief in my fellow women....
Sisters
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,
drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As
they talked about life, about marriage, about the
responsibilities of life and the obligations of
adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her
glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance
upon her daughter.
'Don't forget your Sisters,' she advised, swirling
the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll
be more important as you get older. No matter how
much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'
'Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...
your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other
women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'
What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman
thought. Haven't I just gotten married?
Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a
married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact
with her Sisters and made more women friends each
year. As the years tumbled by, one after another,
she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and naturework their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 50 years of living in this world,
here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT........
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how
many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,
praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on
your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the
valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk
beside you...Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,
daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers,
Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called life , we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
I'm so glad it isn't based on me...
I've been thinking about this over the past day or so. It seems like alot of my posts begin with, "I've been thinking.." Anyway, this has been rolling around in my head so I'm going to put it here. That's the great thing about having a blog...you get to write about whatever is rolling around in your head!
As I have begun to blog about my issues with food and dieting and how I feel that my relationship with Christ, or my Christianity, is a key factor in overcoming these issues, I have gotten some comments...anonymous of course...attacking me and my Christianity. In light of that I just want to say this...
You are right....I suck at times. There are days when I am in an ugly mood. There are times when I am defensive and my words are harsh. There are times when I stuff food in my mouth to fulfill some vague longing, knowing that it really isn't going to fulfill anything. There are times when I am critical and nag at my poor hubby. There are days when I don't want to read my bible or pray or even acknowledge God as my creator. In short, I am human. I am no better and no worse than anyone else on the face of this planet.
But you see, the thing is, my salvation isn't based on anything I can or can't do. It's based on the fact the Jesus Christ took upon Himself every sin that I (or anyone else for that matter) have ever committed and every sin that I ever will commit in the future and he took the punihment that was and is due me. He paid the price for my sins. My salvation is all based on what Jesus has already done...not on anything I could ever do. If I was able to live my life perfectly and never sin, never break the rules, never be harsh, never be pissy....well, frankly, I wouldn't need a savior., But I can't...some days I just plain fail at being a nice human being. That's the reason I am so glad that none of it is based on anything I am able to do...it's based simply on me saying "yes" to Christ's free gift of salvation.
As I have begun to blog about my issues with food and dieting and how I feel that my relationship with Christ, or my Christianity, is a key factor in overcoming these issues, I have gotten some comments...anonymous of course...attacking me and my Christianity. In light of that I just want to say this...
You are right....I suck at times. There are days when I am in an ugly mood. There are times when I am defensive and my words are harsh. There are times when I stuff food in my mouth to fulfill some vague longing, knowing that it really isn't going to fulfill anything. There are times when I am critical and nag at my poor hubby. There are days when I don't want to read my bible or pray or even acknowledge God as my creator. In short, I am human. I am no better and no worse than anyone else on the face of this planet.
But you see, the thing is, my salvation isn't based on anything I can or can't do. It's based on the fact the Jesus Christ took upon Himself every sin that I (or anyone else for that matter) have ever committed and every sin that I ever will commit in the future and he took the punihment that was and is due me. He paid the price for my sins. My salvation is all based on what Jesus has already done...not on anything I could ever do. If I was able to live my life perfectly and never sin, never break the rules, never be harsh, never be pissy....well, frankly, I wouldn't need a savior., But I can't...some days I just plain fail at being a nice human being. That's the reason I am so glad that none of it is based on anything I am able to do...it's based simply on me saying "yes" to Christ's free gift of salvation.
This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.
John 3:16-18 (The Message)
Thursday, May 8, 2008
I said I needed accountability, didn't I?....
So, I said one of the things I liked about blogging is that it provides a certain accountability. With that in mind I need to admit that I binged last night. I didn't eat everything in the kitchen as I sometimes do, but I did eat four slices of pizza. I most definitely didn't need four slices of pizza. I was almost satisfied with one piece, which is really when I should have stopped. I could even justify two pieces...but I ate four.
I'm sure there are many issues involved with binging that I am not even fully aware of yet but one thing I know for sure triggered this one is that I wasn't prepared at work yesterday. I found myself hungry in the afternoon at work with nothing to snack on. By the time I got home I was really hungry. So rather than fixing a healthy dinner I gave in to the easy appeal of just ordering a pizza. Once the pizza arrived...well, we know what happened.
So...today I am refusing to let that binge define how I feel about myself. The binging has nothing to do with my worth as a person. I'm still a child of God and very much loved by Him. In fact, I am the apple of His eye, whether I binge or not. I am still a loving wife, mother, daughter, sister and grandmother, whether I binge or not. I am still a faithful and loyal friend, whether I binge or not. I am a trustworthy and loyal employee, whether I binge or not.
My worth a a person will no longer be dictated to my heart by my eating habits, my dress size, the number on a scale or anything else having to do with my food issues.
The binge was yesterday. Today is a new day and I will move forward in my journey. Today I will choose to rejoice in all that the Lord has done and is doing in me and for me and I will trust that He is going to lead me to success in this area of my life!
I'm sure there are many issues involved with binging that I am not even fully aware of yet but one thing I know for sure triggered this one is that I wasn't prepared at work yesterday. I found myself hungry in the afternoon at work with nothing to snack on. By the time I got home I was really hungry. So rather than fixing a healthy dinner I gave in to the easy appeal of just ordering a pizza. Once the pizza arrived...well, we know what happened.
So...today I am refusing to let that binge define how I feel about myself. The binging has nothing to do with my worth as a person. I'm still a child of God and very much loved by Him. In fact, I am the apple of His eye, whether I binge or not. I am still a loving wife, mother, daughter, sister and grandmother, whether I binge or not. I am still a faithful and loyal friend, whether I binge or not. I am a trustworthy and loyal employee, whether I binge or not.
My worth a a person will no longer be dictated to my heart by my eating habits, my dress size, the number on a scale or anything else having to do with my food issues.
The binge was yesterday. Today is a new day and I will move forward in my journey. Today I will choose to rejoice in all that the Lord has done and is doing in me and for me and I will trust that He is going to lead me to success in this area of my life!
This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success.
Psalm 118:24-25
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Dieting is not the answer...
One of the things that I really like about blogging this journey is that I get feedback and input from others who are or have also struggled with these same issues. One person who commented yesterday was Bamagal. Her comment contained the following:
Thanks so much for your input, Bama. I have certainly found this to be true in my own life as well. After doing the Kimkins diet for just a short time last summer my binging has been far worse than it has been in a very long time. That realization over the past few months has brought me to the conclusion that dieting is a big part of the problem for me.
Up until recently I had always thought of my Binge/Diet cycle this way; I thought of the binge part of the cycle as being the unhealthy, dysfunctional behavior and the diet part of the cycle as being the healthier, more controlled behavior. It has finally dawned on me that BOTH parts of this destructive cycle are unhealthy and displeasing to my Lord. This is just a huge thing for me to realize!
Dieting is not part of the answer....it's part of the problem. I cannot look at this crazy, self-destructive cycle and think that any part of the cycle is good and healthy and right. The ENTIRE cycle is destructive.
Again, that brings me back to the following scripture. This scripture has been quietly speaking to me, gently nudging me away from this destructive cycle for a long time now. It's finally beginning to really make sense to me. It's a passage that I will probably quote here often because it is speaking so directly to my heart right now..
Once again my heart is filled with the certainty the the world does not hold the answer to healing my broken relationship with food and I am encouraged that one day soon I will walk free of this struggle. I am certain that through he power of the Holy Spirit I will be made whole and healthy.
So...an update from yesterday. I weighed myself at Curves. My weight is up to 199.8. As much as it hurt to realize that my weight is that high again, I had to smile when I saw the number. I had silently prayed, "Please Lord, just let me be under 200 pounds"
Foodwise, yesterday was a better day than I have had lately. I did not binge. In terms of what's been going on with my eating recently....not binging is definitely progress!
Another reason for binge on my part was after I had restricted food or come
off some idiotic diet. Then the binge was my body crying out for nutrients I had
been depriving it of.
Thanks so much for your input, Bama. I have certainly found this to be true in my own life as well. After doing the Kimkins diet for just a short time last summer my binging has been far worse than it has been in a very long time. That realization over the past few months has brought me to the conclusion that dieting is a big part of the problem for me.
Up until recently I had always thought of my Binge/Diet cycle this way; I thought of the binge part of the cycle as being the unhealthy, dysfunctional behavior and the diet part of the cycle as being the healthier, more controlled behavior. It has finally dawned on me that BOTH parts of this destructive cycle are unhealthy and displeasing to my Lord. This is just a huge thing for me to realize!
Dieting is not part of the answer....it's part of the problem. I cannot look at this crazy, self-destructive cycle and think that any part of the cycle is good and healthy and right. The ENTIRE cycle is destructive.
Again, that brings me back to the following scripture. This scripture has been quietly speaking to me, gently nudging me away from this destructive cycle for a long time now. It's finally beginning to really make sense to me. It's a passage that I will probably quote here often because it is speaking so directly to my heart right now..
Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why,
as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not
handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish
with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such
regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed
worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they
lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
Colossians 2:20-23
Once again my heart is filled with the certainty the the world does not hold the answer to healing my broken relationship with food and I am encouraged that one day soon I will walk free of this struggle. I am certain that through he power of the Holy Spirit I will be made whole and healthy.
So...an update from yesterday. I weighed myself at Curves. My weight is up to 199.8. As much as it hurt to realize that my weight is that high again, I had to smile when I saw the number. I had silently prayed, "Please Lord, just let me be under 200 pounds"
Foodwise, yesterday was a better day than I have had lately. I did not binge. In terms of what's been going on with my eating recently....not binging is definitely progress!
Monday, May 5, 2008
It's Monday....
It's Monday, a new day, the beginning of a new week. One thing I am thankful for is that God is a God of new beginnings . I've been awake for a couple of hours. I've been thinking about my struggles with food, with binging and dieting. One of my reasons for deciding to journal about this here on my blog is that it provides a level of accountability for me. So with that in mind I must confess....I have been binging. It sounds so crazy when I type it here but for my whole life it's been one or the other. I am either dieting very strictly and methodically or I am binging with little or no self restraint. Lately I have been binging.
I just looked up the word "binge" in my Webster's Dictionary to make sure I was spelling "binging" correctly and I found this definition:
Binge: a period of unrestrained indulgence
Wow! That hit home. That's what I have been doing. I have been having a period of unrestrained indulgence. I even just used the phrase "little or no restraint" two sentences before I looked up the word. Actually, I used the phrase "self restraint." Maybe that's part of the problem. I think it's not so much a matter of "self restraint" as it is a matter of yeilding to the Holy Spirit. According to scripture, self control is a fruit of the Spirit.
I just looked up the word "binge" in my Webster's Dictionary to make sure I was spelling "binging" correctly and I found this definition:
Binge: a period of unrestrained indulgence
Wow! That hit home. That's what I have been doing. I have been having a period of unrestrained indulgence. I even just used the phrase "little or no restraint" two sentences before I looked up the word. Actually, I used the phrase "self restraint." Maybe that's part of the problem. I think it's not so much a matter of "self restraint" as it is a matter of yeilding to the Holy Spirit. According to scripture, self control is a fruit of the Spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against
such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the
sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us
keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-25
So, my goal this morning is to get in step with the Spirit, to crucify my sinful nature with its passions and desires...including the desire to indulge my flesh with food. I know that with the help of the Holy Spirit, I can learn to live somewhere in the healthy area that lies someplace between binging and dieting. I can learn to eat a healthy diet of fruits, vegetables, meats, nuts, grains...all of the wonderful bounty that God has blessed us with...without being on a strict diet. I can learn that not being on a diet doesn't have to mean "a period of unrestrained undulgence." I can, once again, on this Monday, the first day of a new week, purpose to get in step with the Spirit, repent of my behaviors that are displeasing to God and receive forgiveness, cleansing, and a new start. I am ever so thankful that His tender mercy is new every day
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him
Lamentations 3:21-25
Sunday, May 4, 2008
I'm still thinking....
So, the last time I posted my thoughts on my struggles with my relationship with food, before we took a couple of "anonymous" side trips down rabbit trails, I said the following:
I love those words that I feel like the Spirit of the Lord is speaking to my heart. I truly believe that, for me, at this point in my life, a "diet" is not the answer to my struggles. I believe with all my heart that my Lord can heal my brokeness. The struggle then is, what does that look like? How do I walk out this thing of making Jesus Christ, whom I embrace as Lord of my life, the Lord over my relationship with food? Ahhh yes, therein lies the struggle!
Those words that I quoted above are being spoken to me in a "still small voice." They are a quiet tug at my inner self that is ever so gently, pulling me away from what I have always understood to be reality and directing me into new truth. The pull of dieting, binging, doing what I have always done, on the other hand, is anything but quiet and gentle. The pull of the familiar, disordered relationship to food and dieting is a constant roar in ears of my heart and mind. It makes it difficult to hear that "still small voice" of the Spirit sometimes. It causes me to have to be purposeful in trying to listen to the voice of the Spirit.
The place I am at with all of this right now is in the beginning stages of this new thing that the Lord is speaking to my heart. I feel much like the children of Israel must have felt when Moses led them out of Egypt and into the desert to set out for the promised land. When Moses went up on the mountain to talk with God and left the people below, they got nervous. In their nervousness they decided that they needed a "god" that they could see and touch. They fashioned for themselves a golden calf, an idol that they could see and touch...a god that was tangible to them. I think I understand how they felt. Dieting is tangible to me. There are rules, there are tangible things about dieting...food lists, journaling, tracking my food intake.
I feel I need to pause here and clarify I don't believe that the past few years that I have spent learning about healthier ways of eating have been a waste. I don't believe the the Lord wastes any of my experiences. I think that the things I have learned about controlling carbs, eating fresh, natural foods, etc., were all part of my journey of learning to be whole and healthy. It just can no longer be a "diet" in my mind. The "diet" has become to me a false god, my very own brazen calf so to speak. And, this "god" has been lying to me for many, many years. It has promised me a life of control and a slim, healthy body. I have been believing this lie ever since childhood. I am now 50 years old. I do not have a slim, healthy body. I do not have control over my binging and dieting. In fact, when I am completely honest with myself I have to admit I am in captivity to this false god's ways. It is time for me to break out of that captivity. There is a promised land in my future, and I know that my Lord is capable of leading me there. It's just a little bit scary setting out for it....there's a desert on the way to my promised land.
Breathe Vickie, you know the Lord, you hear His voice, His grace is sufficient for you, it's all gonna be ok. One foot in front of the other...that's how you begin a journey...
It's like the Lord is saying to me, "why have you been turning to this diet plan or that diet plan, this diet guru or that diet guru, to heal your broken relationship with food? Don't you know that I am the Lord who loves you and heals you and will make you whole? The answer is not in yet another plan or book. Come to me, let me heal your brokeness. Look who you have chosen to trust and realize that the answer to your brokeness is not in anything that the world might offer you. Come to Me and allow Me to satisfy your soul and fill that empty place that you have been trying to fill with food for your entire life."
I love those words that I feel like the Spirit of the Lord is speaking to my heart. I truly believe that, for me, at this point in my life, a "diet" is not the answer to my struggles. I believe with all my heart that my Lord can heal my brokeness. The struggle then is, what does that look like? How do I walk out this thing of making Jesus Christ, whom I embrace as Lord of my life, the Lord over my relationship with food? Ahhh yes, therein lies the struggle!
Colossians 2:20-23
Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
Those words that I quoted above are being spoken to me in a "still small voice." They are a quiet tug at my inner self that is ever so gently, pulling me away from what I have always understood to be reality and directing me into new truth. The pull of dieting, binging, doing what I have always done, on the other hand, is anything but quiet and gentle. The pull of the familiar, disordered relationship to food and dieting is a constant roar in ears of my heart and mind. It makes it difficult to hear that "still small voice" of the Spirit sometimes. It causes me to have to be purposeful in trying to listen to the voice of the Spirit.
The place I am at with all of this right now is in the beginning stages of this new thing that the Lord is speaking to my heart. I feel much like the children of Israel must have felt when Moses led them out of Egypt and into the desert to set out for the promised land. When Moses went up on the mountain to talk with God and left the people below, they got nervous. In their nervousness they decided that they needed a "god" that they could see and touch. They fashioned for themselves a golden calf, an idol that they could see and touch...a god that was tangible to them. I think I understand how they felt. Dieting is tangible to me. There are rules, there are tangible things about dieting...food lists, journaling, tracking my food intake.
I feel I need to pause here and clarify I don't believe that the past few years that I have spent learning about healthier ways of eating have been a waste. I don't believe the the Lord wastes any of my experiences. I think that the things I have learned about controlling carbs, eating fresh, natural foods, etc., were all part of my journey of learning to be whole and healthy. It just can no longer be a "diet" in my mind. The "diet" has become to me a false god, my very own brazen calf so to speak. And, this "god" has been lying to me for many, many years. It has promised me a life of control and a slim, healthy body. I have been believing this lie ever since childhood. I am now 50 years old. I do not have a slim, healthy body. I do not have control over my binging and dieting. In fact, when I am completely honest with myself I have to admit I am in captivity to this false god's ways. It is time for me to break out of that captivity. There is a promised land in my future, and I know that my Lord is capable of leading me there. It's just a little bit scary setting out for it....there's a desert on the way to my promised land.
Breathe Vickie, you know the Lord, you hear His voice, His grace is sufficient for you, it's all gonna be ok. One foot in front of the other...that's how you begin a journey...
Friday, May 2, 2008
Comment Moderation...it's a wonderful thing!
Comment moderation....anonymous comments...that's what is on my mind this morning. The last couple of days have seen a whirlwind of comments to my blog. I have chosen to moderate comments so not all of them have been published. There's a reason I chose to moderate comments. The types of comments that I chose to reject will not ever be published here. So, I just wanted to clarify my stance on comments.
I welcome discussion with those who have differing opinions and viewpoints than I. I don't,however, welcome comments that are just mean spirited, vulgar, or contain profanity. If you are not capable of having an intelligent, adult, civil discourse then please just don't bother to spew your venom here. It won't be published and most likely won't even be read completely.
My blog is not a forum for you to attack AmyB, Christin, Deni, Becky or any of the "Ducks." You are entitled to your hateful opinions...they just will not be published here.
As I said in an earlier post, I don't like anonymous comments. I understand that not everyone wants to register and get a screen name for blogger so I will continue to consider anonymous comments but I do really appreciate when the commenter gives me a name to call them. If you are going to comment and you want to have a discussion then please provide me with something to call you in my reply...make up a name that you'd like to be called, use your screen name from the forums...SOMETHING...just don't make me keep referring to you as anonymous. In my real life I would not have a discussion with someone who refuses to give me a name to call them and I'm not going to do it here.
This is my blog, there's no democracy here, there's no "free speach"...I decide what gets published here! Comment moderation...it's a wonderful thing!
I welcome discussion with those who have differing opinions and viewpoints than I. I don't,however, welcome comments that are just mean spirited, vulgar, or contain profanity. If you are not capable of having an intelligent, adult, civil discourse then please just don't bother to spew your venom here. It won't be published and most likely won't even be read completely.
My blog is not a forum for you to attack AmyB, Christin, Deni, Becky or any of the "Ducks." You are entitled to your hateful opinions...they just will not be published here.
As I said in an earlier post, I don't like anonymous comments. I understand that not everyone wants to register and get a screen name for blogger so I will continue to consider anonymous comments but I do really appreciate when the commenter gives me a name to call them. If you are going to comment and you want to have a discussion then please provide me with something to call you in my reply...make up a name that you'd like to be called, use your screen name from the forums...SOMETHING...just don't make me keep referring to you as anonymous. In my real life I would not have a discussion with someone who refuses to give me a name to call them and I'm not going to do it here.
This is my blog, there's no democracy here, there's no "free speach"...I decide what gets published here! Comment moderation...it's a wonderful thing!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
My Response to "Anonymous"
As you can see, I didn't make it back here last night to respond to this post. My hubby had practice for a gig this weekend so I had the house to myself. After dinner I curled up on the couch with one of my cats, Cloe, and ended up falling asleep. So...here I am at 4:30am. Not only did I fall asleep very early last night, but Cloe the cat felt that 4:00am was a great hour to feed the cats. She has taken it upon herself to not only make sure I get enough snuggly cat time, but to insure that I never forget to feed her and Agnes in the mornings....that used to be Misha's job. I still miss my Mish very much. See Anonymous...(I can't help but think of "The Cat in the Hat" here and "Thing 1" and "Thing 2"...there are so many anonymous commenters I can't keep them straight and they all "look" a little bit alike, like "Things 1&2.") Anyway...see Anonymous...I do have a life. I have a husband who plays bass in a couple of bands as well as on the church worship team. I have 2 cats who graciously allow me to live in their home. I have a job that I have had for 12 years that gets in the way sometimes when I would rather be on the computer doing this stuff. I have the most beautiful little 3 year old girl in the world who looks at me with those big blue eyes and calls me "Grandma Honey." Oh...I HAVE a life alright! OK...I'm not sure why all that info was necessary but I typed it and the name of this blog is Vickie's Voice so it's staying...LOL Oh...and by the way. The "anonymous" that I spoke to in this last paragraph is not the same "Anonymous" that I am going to reply to now....pretty confusing stuff, huh?
Ok..so now, on to my reply to this "Anonymous".....
Anonymous said...
I understand that you felt that the words you posted said what you wanted to say better than you could. But, you didn't preface it with any words of your own. You didn't say, "Here's a quote that says it better than I ever could. You simply posted it as your own words.
I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here in choosing to believe that you were trying to "reach out to me" with your comment. but, I have to tell you, your comment didn't feel kind and caring, it didn't feel like a gesture of friendship. It felt like you were judging and "correcting me." Again, there was no personal note form you saying, I have walked the walk you're walking now and I understand. There was simply a quote lifted from another site that smacked of "you need to forgive and move on."
Ok...this is where you begin to lose me. First of all, your snippy little comment about "my cohorts" over at LCF makes it quite clear that you are not all about forgiveness and grace. You apparently, judging by your critical, judgemental tone about "my cohorts," are having a bit more of a struggle walking in the forgiveness you preach with the ducks than you do with Heidi Diaz. If you truly believe what you posted in the comments on my blog then you have to extend that same forgiveness to everyoone you disagree with, including "my cohorts"...the ducks.
You know, there are times when the ducks do things that I don't completely agree with. And there are times when things swing a little too far in one direction or another. That is going to happen anytime you get a group of people together to try and accomplish anything. But, I have been interacting with the ducks on one level or another since last summer and I have found that the underlying motivation for all of it is to help people. You obviously have been reading the posts at LCF and reading the blogs. You can choose to stay offended at some of the methods or you can choose to look at the fruit of the efforts of these women. I see over and over again, people who are learning about the dangers of VLC diets and choosing to stop doing the Kimkins plan and learn a healthier way of eating. I see women who are realizing just how disordered it is to fiollow a plan like Kimkins and are taking steps to correct their relationship to food and dieting. Do I agree with everything the ducks do and say? Of course not. I don't agree with everything anybody does or says. There are always things we would do different if we were in charge of the world. But, I have chosen to look at the fruit of these efforts and to credit the ducks with good intentions. They are an amazing group of women from different backgrounds and with different personalities and communication styles but they have banded together to righ a wrong and I applaud their efforts.
One thing that I have learned in my life is that people, no matter who
they are or how noble their cause, use humor and jokes to lighten to mood,
entertain themselves, or just to cope with the task at hand. Again and
again I read comments like yours bemoaning the fact that people are making
fun of Heidi Diaz. Honestly, I am really weary of hearing, "poor Heidi, the ducks are personally attacking her." Oh please...she defrauded THOUSANDS of people! She made people feel like failures for eating too many "finger grabs" of salad! She knowingly and purposely gave people dangerous advice while living a lie. If a little crude humor helps people cope with having been harmed by Heidi Diaz I say so be it. As I said, people in every walk of life do this very same thing to cope. Many years ago I was a nurse. I worked on the oncology floor of a hospital. Lay people would have been appalled at the things we laughed about in the employee lounge. More recently, I used to lead worship at a church. Than meant that I was involved in the leadership meetings at the church. Again, I'm sure people would have been shocked at some of the humor and things that were said. Every group of people who are working together uses humor at some point...and not everyone would be comfortable hearing it. It happens.
I'm sure that there are many things said that one person or another may find distasteful. I find it highly distasteful that Heidi Diaz is still operating a website that encourages people to follow a very dangerous diet plan. Are you aware that there are women dealing with some very serious helth effects from following this diet? I'm not talking about a little hair loss. I'm talking about very serious medical conditions brought about from following the Kimkins diet. I find THAT to be very distatseful.
You say that you choose to leave judgements up to the courts. Have you thought about the fact that this case wouldn't even be headed for the court system if not for the dedication and work done by the ducks you so vehemently oppose?
You say you don't want to surround yourself with all of this negativity but you are obviously reading the fascination thread and reading the blogs...so you are surrounding yourself with it. It just appears that you haven't chosen which side you want to align yourself with.
It was no bother at all to have you visit and comment. If visiting and commenting on my blog somehow helped you to move on and put this all behind you then I am happy to have been a small part in helping you with that. Some of us however, aren't ready to move on and close this chapter of our lives while Heidi Diaz is still operating a website that encourages people to put their health and even their very lives at risk. Thank you for your prayers and I hope your day is blessed as well.
Ok..so now, on to my reply to this "Anonymous".....
Anonymous said...
Hi Vickie,
There is a reason why I posted that anonymously.
I could have and probably should have just said nothing, or merely posted Read Mathew 6:14-15
6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
However I truly liked the longer version with the verbatim explanation better. I use that site often as a reference point because it puts biblical reference into terms even a child could undertstand.
I understand that you felt that the words you posted said what you wanted to say better than you could. But, you didn't preface it with any words of your own. You didn't say, "Here's a quote that says it better than I ever could. You simply posted it as your own words.
I too have been in your shoes, I recognized the struggle!
I have passionately discussed this matter with my pastor, & my prayer group. I had to let it go as it was eating me up inside. I did not like what I was becoming, which was turning into a bitter person consumed with these issues that where carrying over into everyday life!
I was quite pleased that you understood exactly the message I was attempting to anonymously relay to you & actually relieved with your beautiful response because I was so nervous posting to you since you were my first post ever anywhere on this subject, I just really wanted to reach out to you & let you know that you are not alone.
I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here in choosing to believe that you were trying to "reach out to me" with your comment. but, I have to tell you, your comment didn't feel kind and caring, it didn't feel like a gesture of friendship. It felt like you were judging and "correcting me." Again, there was no personal note form you saying, I have walked the walk you're walking now and I understand. There was simply a quote lifted from another site that smacked of "you need to forgive and move on."
I had much more that I wanted to say today, until I saw your cohorts started
up with the usual attack mode & mud slinging over @ LCF, & then now you
have posted shaming me about plagiarism. That was never my intent, It wasn't
ever about where I got the the wording from, I never even thought twice about it
& for that I apologize. It was about relaying the message I was attempting
to get across as simply as possible.
Ok...this is where you begin to lose me. First of all, your snippy little comment about "my cohorts" over at LCF makes it quite clear that you are not all about forgiveness and grace. You apparently, judging by your critical, judgemental tone about "my cohorts," are having a bit more of a struggle walking in the forgiveness you preach with the ducks than you do with Heidi Diaz. If you truly believe what you posted in the comments on my blog then you have to extend that same forgiveness to everyoone you disagree with, including "my cohorts"...the ducks.
I do regret having posted now as I am not a confrontational person &
that is why I choose to remain anonymous. Not using anonymity could be quite
dangerous in duck territory, & not everyone wishes to have their identity
plastered all over the net thus putting their reputations, family, job, &
church at risk. Not everyone that post anonymously is FOE. However anyone that
post anything is open for attack regardless if they are anonymous or not.
Maybe that reason alone is why so many others remain silent.
You know, there are times when the ducks do things that I don't completely agree with. And there are times when things swing a little too far in one direction or another. That is going to happen anytime you get a group of people together to try and accomplish anything. But, I have been interacting with the ducks on one level or another since last summer and I have found that the underlying motivation for all of it is to help people. You obviously have been reading the posts at LCF and reading the blogs. You can choose to stay offended at some of the methods or you can choose to look at the fruit of the efforts of these women. I see over and over again, people who are learning about the dangers of VLC diets and choosing to stop doing the Kimkins plan and learn a healthier way of eating. I see women who are realizing just how disordered it is to fiollow a plan like Kimkins and are taking steps to correct their relationship to food and dieting. Do I agree with everything the ducks do and say? Of course not. I don't agree with everything anybody does or says. There are always things we would do different if we were in charge of the world. But, I have chosen to look at the fruit of these efforts and to credit the ducks with good intentions. They are an amazing group of women from different backgrounds and with different personalities and communication styles but they have banded together to righ a wrong and I applaud their efforts.
Even many of the personal snide remarks about Heidi that are just mean,
pointless & anti-productive, for example the sugar cookies, & captain
morgan. Those cookies could have been her sons cookies, just because they were
on the seat of the vehicle doesn't make her guilty even though I think we could
all safely presume that they were, & just because someone mentions they like
or have drank rum doesn't make them an alcoholic. To paint even someone we don't
like as blithering drunken idiot munching on sugar cookies is unjustified, &
unfounded.
One thing that I have learned in my life is that people, no matter who
they are or how noble their cause, use humor and jokes to lighten to mood,
entertain themselves, or just to cope with the task at hand. Again and
again I read comments like yours bemoaning the fact that people are making
fun of Heidi Diaz. Honestly, I am really weary of hearing, "poor Heidi, the ducks are personally attacking her." Oh please...she defrauded THOUSANDS of people! She made people feel like failures for eating too many "finger grabs" of salad! She knowingly and purposely gave people dangerous advice while living a lie. If a little crude humor helps people cope with having been harmed by Heidi Diaz I say so be it. As I said, people in every walk of life do this very same thing to cope. Many years ago I was a nurse. I worked on the oncology floor of a hospital. Lay people would have been appalled at the things we laughed about in the employee lounge. More recently, I used to lead worship at a church. Than meant that I was involved in the leadership meetings at the church. Again, I'm sure people would have been shocked at some of the humor and things that were said. Every group of people who are working together uses humor at some point...and not everyone would be comfortable hearing it. It happens.
That is only one example of many out there that I have found
distasteful, & why I have not joined this crusade as I do not care to
surround myself with this sort of vindictiveness. I am only human, & I
fear
that the vicious nature of all this would consume me again, & do
not want to
become that type of person, so I must choose to leave judgments
up to the court
of law here on earth, & up to the higher court of God
above, & I truly
trust with all my faith that justice will be served
without any nastiness input
on my behalf.
I'm sure that there are many things said that one person or another may find distasteful. I find it highly distasteful that Heidi Diaz is still operating a website that encourages people to follow a very dangerous diet plan. Are you aware that there are women dealing with some very serious helth effects from following this diet? I'm not talking about a little hair loss. I'm talking about very serious medical conditions brought about from following the Kimkins diet. I find THAT to be very distatseful.
You say that you choose to leave judgements up to the courts. Have you thought about the fact that this case wouldn't even be headed for the court system if not for the dedication and work done by the ducks you so vehemently oppose?
You say you don't want to surround yourself with all of this negativity but you are obviously reading the fascination thread and reading the blogs...so you are surrounding yourself with it. It just appears that you haven't chosen which side you want to align yourself with.
I won't bother you or anyone again, call it a lesson learned, & again I apologize. No need to reply as I will not be back again to look for any more negativity. I think this was a sign for me to finally close this chapter in my life & move on. I have officially turned my burdens over to the one that is much more capable of handling them than I. So something good did come out of this, even if it only worked for my own peace of mind.
You take care Ms. Vickie, I know you will find the resolve & peace that you seek, it's there. Some things just take time, & you have to work thru them yourself & with your faith.
You will be in my prayers, as will everyone else!
Have A Blessed Day!
April 30, 2008 10:55 AM
:)
It was no bother at all to have you visit and comment. If visiting and commenting on my blog somehow helped you to move on and put this all behind you then I am happy to have been a small part in helping you with that. Some of us however, aren't ready to move on and close this chapter of our lives while Heidi Diaz is still operating a website that encourages people to put their health and even their very lives at risk. Thank you for your prayers and I hope your day is blessed as well.
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