Monday, May 5, 2008

It's Monday....

It's Monday, a new day, the beginning of a new week. One thing I am thankful for is that God is a God of new beginnings . I've been awake for a couple of hours. I've been thinking about my struggles with food, with binging and dieting. One of my reasons for deciding to journal about this here on my blog is that it provides a level of accountability for me. So with that in mind I must confess....I have been binging. It sounds so crazy when I type it here but for my whole life it's been one or the other. I am either dieting very strictly and methodically or I am binging with little or no self restraint. Lately I have been binging.

I just looked up the word "binge" in my Webster's Dictionary to make sure I was spelling "binging" correctly and I found this definition:

Binge: a period of unrestrained indulgence

Wow! That hit home. That's what I have been doing. I have been having a period of unrestrained indulgence. I even just used the phrase "little or no restraint" two sentences before I looked up the word. Actually, I used the phrase "self restraint." Maybe that's part of the problem. I think it's not so much a matter of "self restraint" as it is a matter of yeilding to the Holy Spirit. According to scripture, self control is a fruit of the Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against
such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the
sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us
keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-25

So, my goal this morning is to get in step with the Spirit, to crucify my sinful nature with its passions and desires...including the desire to indulge my flesh with food. I know that with the help of the Holy Spirit, I can learn to live somewhere in the healthy area that lies someplace between binging and dieting. I can learn to eat a healthy diet of fruits, vegetables, meats, nuts, grains...all of the wonderful bounty that God has blessed us with...without being on a strict diet. I can learn that not being on a diet doesn't have to mean "a period of unrestrained undulgence." I can, once again, on this Monday, the first day of a new week, purpose to get in step with the Spirit, repent of my behaviors that are displeasing to God and receive forgiveness, cleansing, and a new start. I am ever so thankful that His tender mercy is new every day

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him

Lamentations 3:21-25


OhYeahBabe said...

Hi Vickie. I'm so glad you are blogging about this. I've been learning about Intuitive Eating and really struggling with how I'm supposed to 'hear' my own body's signals when I feel like it lies, or like I influece it to lie when it's convenient. I have trouble letting go of the residue of all the dieting I've done - all the negative thoughts, restrictions, etc. I want to learn to eat like I'm supposed to eat. But it all just seemed to hard to grasp, until I put it together with your recent blog posts. YES - intuitive eating isn't about ignoring everything I've learned (right or wrong), but about going back to how we were designed to eat. It's like a light bulb has gone off for me - thank you. But as it always is when presented with a truth - you have to figure out "now what" or how to apply it. I look forward to comparing notes.

I admit that I'm really uncomfortable working this out in public, knowing there are people around who will twist words and use them against me, or you. But maybe between us we can help each other and others, too, and if we get damaged by the mud slingers along the way then so be it.

If you're interested, though, in corresponding by email instead of via blog comments, feel free to drop me a line. I am o.yeah.babe at g mail dot com.

Deni said...

Thank-you Vickie... for you openness, your honesty, and your ability to help place a microphone on that "still small voice" within my own soul.
Love ya,

Vickie said...

OYB...thank you so much for your comment. It brought tears to my eyes to know for sure that I'm not the only one who struggles this way!

I have to admit, working this out in public is a little scary but also a necessary step for me, especially when I realize that there are others who like, me, struggle with this. If my working it out in public can encourage another then it will be worth withstanding the attacks that might happen. So far it hasn't happened yet and for that I am grateful! And, as Isaid in my blog post, working it out in public gives me a level of accountability that I really need. I have tried having "accountability partners" among my friends but it hasn't worked out very well. This is such a personal issue that I think it makes people uncomfortable. I would love to correspond with you via e-mail as well if you like. I'll drop you an e-mail so that you have my e-mail address.

Thanks again for reading my blog. I appreciate your feedback so much.

Vickie said...

Deni...Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate that you take the time to read and comment. Feedback from others is a huge encouragement to me.

BamaGal said...

Vickie---excellent post once again.

The dictionary may define binge one way. but it has a whole different meaning when applied to an ED.

We or at least me---binging used to always mean some sort of weakness or character flaw on my part. Now I know binging is so much more---many times I'm stuffing food instead of dealing with the emotions. I've had to learn to let myself feel.

Another reason for binge on my part was after I had restricted food or come off some idiotic diet. Then the binge was my body crying out for nutrients I had been depriving it of.

Learning to listen to your body is difficult. Difficult yes, impossible, no.

We'll all just take this journey together.

Vickie said...

Bama..Thank you for your input. There is alot of wisdom in what you've said here. I know that dieting has definitely been a part of the destructive cycle for me. You also hit the nail on the head about "stuffing emotions." I can identify with that so much.

I'm blessed to have amazing, strong women such as you to take this journey with!