Here I am...

I'm still crawling out of the funk I've been in this past few days. I'm not all the way back to my normal self but I can feel it lifting and I am grateful for that.

So...last night was my weigh in and I lost 2.4 pounds this week...bringing me to 15.6 pounds total lost since April 1st. I'm so happy about that!

As much as I love losing that much in a week...it got me to thinking that I can start using more of my weekly points allowance and activity points and still lose. So this week I am going to up my points to include using more of the "extra" points. My reasoning is that I want this to be a lifestyle...not a diet. So I might as well start learning now, how to have that one "splurge meal" or allow an extra treat here and there, within the confines of the weekly points allowance.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm looking forward to the long weekend to catch up on a lot of things...including my blog. I know if I just sit down every night and do it, it won't seem so overwhelming. My internet's been all wonky but my son gave me access to his wireless for the times when mine is down. It's so great to have him and his wife right across the street!

...sigh....

I am in a funk. I am trying to snap out of it but not having a lot of success with it. I am eating on plan. Tonight is my meeting and my weigh in. I'm going to update my blog soon...really I am...just as soon as I can manage to climb out from under this dark cloud...

Sunday May 23...catch up...

Wednesday May 19...
Total Points Used 21.5

Breakfast was cereal, blueberries, almond breeze, coffee with coffeemate- 6.5pts

Lunch was grilled chicken breast, asparagus, tomatoes and a sandwich thin- 3pts

Afternoon snack was cinnamin flavored greek yogurt and sliced apple- 4pts

Dinner: Vern wanted to go to Chili's. I'm sorry about the poor quality of the photo. We live right across the street from hili's and I left my phone at home. This was taken with Vern's phone and no light! So anyway, I ordered the children's grilled chicken platter which consists of a grilled chicken breast and steamed broccoli. I added a side order of black beans and a house salad with dressing on the side. I forgot to ask them to leave the croutons off so I had to pick them off myself. All and all this was a very satisfying meal for 8pts.

Thursday May 20...
Once again I found myself skipping breakfast. Skipping breakfast isn't somethin I set out to do. It's the result of poor time management!

So anyway...lunch was a Boca burger on a snadwich thin, with a slice of reduced fat provolone cheese, and a side of steamed in the microwave, green beans. 3pts

Dinner was a mexican wrap type thing. Chicken breast meat, pinto beans, 100 calorie tortilla, Pico de Gallo, FF sour cream, and reduced fat cheese. 8.5 pts



Desert was a Deep Chocolate Vitatop and a scoop of nonfat frozen yogurt 3 pts

I also had snacks of a WW Frozen Latte bar 1pt, and a cup of Lucky Charms cereal (dry)

Friday May 21...
Daily Points used 25

Weekly points used 1.5

Activity Points earned 2

Breakfast was a Banana Nut Vitatop with Smart Balance Spread, a sliced apple, and a cup of chai tea. (And a cup of coffee earlier) 6pts

Lunch was a wrap made with a 100 calorie multigrain soft wrap, grilled chicken breast, a tsp of mayo, shredded lettuce, steamed grean beans, and sliced apple...and a diet cherry limeade from sonic. 6.5pts
Dinner was a grilled chiken breast (I had dinner at my mom's) a salad and some honeydew melon. 5pts


Frozen yogurt, sliced banana and sliced strawberries. 4pts

What is NOT pictured here the other little snacky things I ate that added up to 5 more pts. (Popcorn and cheddar rice cakes.)

I had to take a photo of this disply. I find it so funny that the reusable grocery bagsthat are going to save the planet are packaged in the plastic bags that are going to destroy the planet! HaHa (yes, I use reusable bags)

Saturday May 22...
I got up early and took my sister to the airport. Then I went by and got a cup of coffee and had it, along with a Vitatop, parked at the bay while waiting for some friends to show up for a walk. 3pts. We walked 5 miles...it was great!

B\After my 5 mile walk I was famished! So I had an omelet with every veggie from the fridge in it and reduced fat cheese over it! And a cup of Chai tea. 5 pts


Dinner was a pizza on a flatbread, again with lots of veggies and lean ground turkey seasoned with Italian seasonings. 7.5 pts

I also had Stawberry Shortcake! A small angelfod cake round, sliced strawberries and a scoop of FF frozen yogurt! 5 pts

This last photo is to show how I've been making my chai tea. This is so good and it's .5 pts for a cup. Sugar free chai mix and light soy milk or almond breeze. (My grocery store was out of Almond Breeze so this week it's soy) 1/2 cup mix, 1/2 cup "milk", 1/2 cup water...microwave until hot and steamy!...Yum!!!



Thursday was my weigh in and I was down 1.6 pounds. I could hardley believe it! I was almost sure I was going to have a gain because I spent so many evenings at events where I wasn't the one in control of the menu. I am encouraged to see that I am learning to do this self-control thing in the real world!

Progress Pics!

My internet service has been really sporadic over the last few days, so I haven't been able to update my blog. I have lots to add but no time this morning. I wanted to post this though.

It's only been a few weeks but i can already see a difference. This photo encourages me!

Sigh....

I'm having a tough week. I think I am realizing some of the reasons. One of them is that I am just too darned busy this week. I need to slow down to a more manageable pace...not quite sure how to go about acomplishing that!

Anyway, I did really well yesterday until evening and then I was a SNACKING MACHINE...ugh!

The good news is that I went back this morning and I tracked it all in my tracker. The other good news is that today is a new day...

Tuesday May 18...

Its Tuesday morning...and I am realizing or rather, accepting, the fact that somehow over the past few days I have...one choice at a time...slipped off plan. I'm sure part of it has been emotional eating as I grapple with feelings and emotions brought about by the news of my brother's death. Part of it is that I keep finding myself in situations where I am not in control of the menu. But even as I type those words I'm aware that it's an excuse...it's CHOICES...and the choices are mine to make.

Yes, my brother's passing has brought up a myriad of emotions. But eating off plan has done nothing to make those emotions easier to deal with.

Yes, I have been at event after event this week where the menu choices are what they are. But, I can make the CHOICE to remain on plan even within those situations.

So, here I am this morning, resolving to pick myself up, dust myself off, count this week a lesson learned, and get back on plan. This WILL NOT become an excuse to go on a binge that lasts for days. I've had a rough few days....but it stops today.

Michael Cecil Clifton...my big brother

Obituary from Scripps Institute of Oceanography:

MICHAEL C. CLIFTON - As one of the early workers at the Hydraulics Laboratory, Mike was involved in a
wide variety of lab and field projects for many groups at Scripps Institution of Oceanography. A talented
machinist and engineer, he designed and built many innovative instruments especially working with Bob Guza's
nearshore oceanography group. After a courageous battle with cancer, Mike retired to his beloved home that he
and his friends had built just outside Talent, Oregon. Early in his career at Scripps, Mike worked on this unique
A-Frame log cabin starting with the timber on his property during the summer months. When the days
shortened and the rains came, Mike would head south for the easily available work here. Mike had a way with
words, a knack for story-telling, and a remarkable life.

As I mentioned in one of my recent posts, my brother died. He died on April 5, 2010, but we didn't know it until this past week. We were estranged, we had drited apart for a myriad of reasons. Only those from blended families...blended families that haven't blended well...would understand the hurts and issues involved with all of it. So anyway...my brother and I had drifted apart over the years. There wasn't some huge blow up that caused us to be estranged. We were just caught up in the dysfunction and challenges of being the children of divorce and remarriage...and being siblings with two completely separate families.

It was strange, the way we found out that he died. My niece, Peggy, works in a vet's office and one of my brother's old co-workers is a client of hers. When he found out about my brother, he thought we should know so he went in and told my niece. That's how we found out. I thank God that we did. Because we found out when we did, we were able to take part in a memorial pot luck/celebration of his life that his old co-workers organized.

I was so nervous about going. I felt like maybe I shouldn't be there. I mean, after all, we had drifted apart and my brother didn't want me to be a part of his life anymore. I felt awkward and out of place...like somehow I didn't deserve to be at his memorial.

I couldn't have been more wrong! My brother worked at Scripps Institute of Oceanography for many years before he got sick with cancer and was forced to retire. It was his old friends and co-workers there who had the memorial get togther. They were the most welcoming, warm hearted people I have met in a long time. They obviously loved my brother and remembered him with stories and shared memories of times spent with him over the years.

As I sat there and listened to the stories I had grown up listening to...my brother was a gifted story teller and musician.....He was 13 years older than me and I adored him! He would show up at the house, pulling up the driveway in the "coolest cars" in the world, from my perspective! Then he would sit on the floor with us and he would play his guitar and sing and tell amazing stories of trips and adventures he had been on! Our very favorite song that he sang was one that we called "The Meatball Song". We would jump up and down when he got out of his "cool car" (in reality one of many rattletrap old volvos that he drove) and beg him to sing the meatball song over and over again!...so anyway, last night at the memorial, we met the people of those stories...we were able to put faces to the stories and adventures we'd heard so many times...and in the process we were given back a piece of our brother's spirit to carry in our hearts.

At one point, one of his friends had found a youtube video of "The Meatball Song" sang almost exactly the way my brother sang it and played it on a screen in the front of the room, with candles burning that we had lit for our brother...and there wasn't a dry eye in the entire room.

I think it was fitting that we said goodbye to him to the tune of "One Meatball"
Michael Cecil Clifton
March 13, 1945 - April 5, 2010
Goodbye big brother...I always loved you...
I wish I could hear you sing the meatball song one more time.
I wish I had been more intentional about reconnecting with you.
Last night your friends reminded me that you always were, and always will be, one of my heroes...

Just a quick recipe...

Lesia over at "Here We Go, Hold On Tight" asked for the recipe for this 3.5 point pizza. So here it is...

I used a "LaTortilla Factory" 100 Calorie Traditional Tortilla.
These are good sized tortillas and they are good! I have also used a flatbread called "Flat Out Flatbread" for this. Either one is 1 point.

I layed it on a baking sheet and put it under the broiler for a minute or two until it was crispy. Then I flipped it and crisped the other side.

Once the tortilla was crisp I spread 1/4 cup of marinara sauce from a jar on it. (.5 pt) then I sprinkled onion, red pepper and chopped spinach on it. I would have put mushrooms too but I was out of them. I topped the whole thing with 1/3 cup shredded, reduced fat mozzarella cheese (2 pts) and stuck it back under the broiler until the cheese melted.

This is such a nice, satisfying snack...and it's big! I like big food. I don't want to eat a miniscule portion of anything...LOL.

Saturday May 15...

I knew today was going to be a busy one so I started off with a big breakfast. This amazing, huge breakfast was 6 total points! It was sort of a "skillet scramble" with shredded potatoes, spinach, asparagus, black beans, onion, peppers, egg substitute and reduced fat cheese. I also had a bowl of fruit.



I wouldn't really call this lunch. I attended an event at church for the afternoon and this is what I ate. It looks like a huge, crazy amount of food in the photo but it's really not. That plate is one of those little plates that cake is served on and it's filled mostly with fruits and veggies with some hummus and a couple of pita chips and a couple of pieces of cheese. I had no real way to count the points for this so I just guessed it was probably around 7. The event was really good. It was done in a talk show format and some women from our church, who have gone through some really devastating circumstances shared their stories and how God sustained them and proved that He is more than enough in any situation. It was quite inspiring.




After the women's thing, I stoped at my parents' house to visit my mom and my sister. My sister had cooked dinner and asked me to stay. The dinner was about 3 oz of grilled chicken breast, potatoes drizzled with quite a bit of margarine and some green beans/corn. I figured it at 9 points simply because of the margarine on the potatoes.



When I came home, my other sister and I went for a nice walk. We walked a couple of miles and it was quite enjoyable. I was hungry when we got home so I made us both these 3.5 point "pizzas"




I still want something more and I'm pretty sure that before it's over I will have some frozen yogurt on a Vitatop Muffin. I'll come back and add the photo when that happens.
Edited to add....yep, I ate it!
And...as long as I'm at it I'll share my opinion on the Vitamuffin products I've tried. I have been hearing about these for a while but only recently purchased them. There was a special so I ordered a pack for work and a pack for home. Out of that pack I have tried the Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Muffin Top and the Brownie. Quite honestly, my first bite was a bit of a disappointment. These definitely taste fiber-y and sort of grainy and "diet". I guess I was expecting it to taste like a REAL browniie or muffin...but the taste and texture are quite "different". BUT, having said that, once I got past the initial expectation and disappointment, I decided that they are really pretty good and a quite acceptable substitute for the real thing. I will continue to keep these on hand in the future.


Lastly...there's tomorrow. I haven't blogged about this yet, because frankly, I don't know how to feel about it and...well...I just don't know. But here's the thing....my brother died. He died over a month ago on April 5. I didn't know it. No one in my family knew...until a few days ago. I loved my brother. When I was younger I ADORED my brother. But there were issues and hurts and family stuff...and he decided a few years back to just sort of be done with us. He apparently kept in contact a little bit with my older sister but I haven't (Hadn't? I don't know what tense it is when you haven't talked to your brother and then he dies) Anyway...I hadn't talked to him in quite a few years. And now he died and we will never have the opportunity to re-connect. That makes me really sad. It's not the gut wrenching grief that I would feel if one of my sisters were to die....just a sadness that we never got to right whatever it was that was wrong between us.

Tomorrow his co-workers at his old job, here in San Diego, are having a memorial in honor of his memory. They have graciously invited us. We are going...my mom, my sisters and myself. I feel strange about it...almost ashamed...as if somehow, because he didn't want me to be a part of his life, I really shouldn't be at his memorial. But the fact is...I loved my brother. I never stopped loving him. And I will go and listen to his friends share stories and honor his memory.

Good-bye Mike...you were my big brother...my only brother...and I loved you...and I will never forget you.

May 11 through 14....

Lots to catch up on this week! I've been walking every morning and staying within my points range. I weighed in on Thursday night and I was down .2 lb. Not bad considering I ate that huge steak on Mother's day.

While I continue to stay within my alloted points, including using some weekly and activity points, I find myself snacking and munching more and more in the evenings. This is the area where I struggle the most. I know that I need to do something more constructive than munching away each evening. This is the area I'll be concentrating on changing in the coming days and weeks.

There are so many things I could be doing besides snacking! For one, I could keep up better with my blog! I could go for a walk after dinner. I could have a devotional time in the Word. I could catch up on my crochet so I would have some hats to give the cancer center.

Ok...Here's a photo journal of my menus this past week. I, of course, didnt photograph all of the snacky type things I ate in the evenings. There's a starting point...if it doesn't get photographed, it doesn't go in my mouth! Yeah, starting today EVERYTHING I eat gets photographed...there's accountability for you!


Tuesday May 11...

Meatballs at IKEA!
This isn't a bad meal if you go with your sister and have her split the meatballs with you!

Wednesday May 12...










Thursday May 13...


There was a special on these. I ordered a case for work and a case for home!

Friday May 14...

I was walking to work and thinking about how fortunate I am to live in southern California and walk such a pretty walk to work, so I snapped this photo.

Even though there wasn't much change in my weigh this week, I took these photos at work just so I'd have a photo journal of my weightloss...with photos taken at intervals of every couple of weeks or so.

Sunday and Monday, May 9 & 10...

Here I am, playing catch up with my blog again!

On Saturday afternoon, in anticipation of Mother's Day, Vern bought me these adorable mixing bowls. I already have this set in red & white....but black and white is my very, very favorite with red & white running a close second! I love these bowls so much! And I love that Vern was thoughtful enough to buy them for me.



Sunday, Mother's Day, was going to be a busy day and I knew I would be faced with much temptation. So I started the day with an open faced omelet (is that a frittata?) so that I wasn't starting the day hungry and primed to fall for temptation. This had egg substitute, shredded potatoes, light swiss cheese and a bunch of zero point veggies. I also had a fruit bowl of mixed blueberries, mandarin orange, and banana. Coffee with coffemate to drink.
Total Points 6.5



Lunch was at Home Town Buffet, where we took Vern's mom for lunch after church. I intentionally kept it light as I knew I was going to be having dinner with at least one of my sons. So, chicken breast, green beans, carrots, and a side salad.
Total Points 4



In the afternoon, my youngest son, Colin and his wife, Christina came over for coffee and brought these darling little dessert plates and glasses. (Are you getting that I have a passion for polka dots!?)


I loved the polka dot dessert set and Freddie loved the bag they were wrapped in!



Dinner...I don't know why I didn't take a photo of dinner!? It was beautiful! I ended up going to my sons' house. My oldest, Chris, and my middle son, Courtney, are roommates and they cooked dinner for Vern and I. Well, Chris cooked while we watched the Blue man Group with Courtney.
Dinner was a huge steak, garlic mashed potatoes, bacon wrapped asparagus, and steamed broccoli. It was divine and it was even more special because Chris cooked it!
I figured the points at 31...and worth every single one!
The crazy thing is that it didn't even use up all of my weekly and activity points!

Sunday Totals:
Daily Points used 45.5
Weekly Points used 20.5
Weekly Points remaining 10.5
Activity points remaining 6

Monday...

I wasn't hungry in the morning so I just had coffee to start the day. 1 point.

Lunch was a Boca burger on a sandwich thin, with reduced fat swiss, lettuce and tomato...and a tsp of mayo. I had asparagus on the side and a huge bowl of mixed fruit.
6.5 points



Dinner was this Ground Turkey Goulash I threw together. I say "threw together" but it was rather time consuming. It was delicious though and it made a huge pot full. So I have lots of single serving portions in the freezer for lunche and quick dinners. The Goulash was 4 points per serving. I had it over roasted eggplant slices and paired it with a spinach salad.
Total 4 Points



After dinner I had this to satisfy my sweet tooth. Fage Total 0 yogurt, sliced strawberries, Walden Farms Chocolate Syrup, and a crumbled Fiber One bar. (You can't really crumble one of those bars so I just chopped it up) Then I foolishly ate ANOTHER fiber one bar....NEVER do this! The intestinal chaos that ensues is really just not worth it!
Total 8 points



Mondays Totals:
Daily Points used 19.5
Weekly Remaining 10.5
Activity points remaining 7